Beef's Stationery Issues

Beef's Stationery Issues 04/24/2008 « prev 1st rand curr next »

Look how much Beef's arm muscles pop out as he hates the greeting card industry and rethinks it

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I am in Oklahoma too, and I don't know what the hell you're talking about.

There is a child in one of my classes named Dijonnaise. When one condiment in your child's name won't do...

Some people we know named their kid Danarea. It's pronounced something like(den area), but we always pronopunced it more like ghonerea. Those same people named their other kids Starria, which isn't as bad but still stupid.

These are my sons, Snafu and Fubar.

Get more reliable method of birth control, dude.

`Got a couple here, coming from northeastern Oklahoma:

Went to junior high school with Flint Sparks.

My step kids went to a low-income elementary school. They were putting together a yearbook. The woman was ridiculing the name of one of the little girls:

"Shomorrow? Shomorrow? Why didn't they just name her Tomorrow?"
The funniest part? [i[Her[/i] daughter was named Shamerica.

Best one I've heard yet: twin sisters. Sharon and... Notsharon.

Yes it is real. This is Australia.

Wait, now that one is just utilitarian. That's fine.

I have the feeling Notsharon developed a wicked inferiority complex.

Where I go to medical school (somewhere on the atlantic coast), the pediatric residents keep a running list of actual names of patients that come through the hospital. It probably violates some sort of HIPAA rule to even keep the list, but there are some hilarious-ass names on there, all of them real patients. There is a pair of identical twins named Kenya and Kanye, Eileen Down, Queef, and my personal favorite, Steele Darke Cannon. All of these are real patients. I'll have to take another look at the list next time I'm in the residents workroom.

Yeah, there's HIPAA violations all over the place there, but sometimes you just gotta make sacrifices in the name of comedy.

Steele Darke Cannon? Two things. Why not go for the whole kit and kaboodle and go with cannone? and I bet these two met in a basement.

A friend of mine used to have a couple of cats named Stripe and No-stripe. But at least they were cats, not human children who have to go to elementary school.

And also go to everywhere else for the rest of their lives. She'll still be called Notsharon in High School, and in college, and when she gets a job. It will still be Notsharon on her gravestone.

These names to be sound like Newspeak. Like "good, ungood". I mean, Notsharon doesn't even sound like a name!! It just sounds like "Not Sharon"!

(Also this is like the funniest thing I've ever heard.)

The only funny thing I ever read in Garfield (paraphrasing): What were the cats' names? Cat, cat and cat. Why? What's the use of naming something that doesn't come when you call it?"

LASAGNA!!!!!!!!

St. Louis MO USA - children born to an unimaginative woman who named them after the food she was served in the hospital: Oranjello and Limonjello.

No shit.

A dark skinned fellow I know claims that his mother is a friend of this woman who named her children such.

I heard of a Vietnamese expat who, to either remind her kids where they came from or because she was hella proud, named her children "Viet" and "Nam".

I doubt it's a cultural thing, going by the amount of Vietnamese-stock people I know without such names. Lots of "Thanh Nguyen's" though. I mean, get some originality.

Actually I knew a guy named Nam once, and he was from Vietnam. I thought it was a gratuitously eponymous name given him by his adoptive family (who were French,) until I learned that it's apparently a very common name in Vietnam. I can't recall but it may have some meaning unrelated to the name of the place, or the name of the place simply is expounding on the meaning, or some such.. I forget.. you know.. I can't keep any of that stuff straight, what with it being all ching chong wing wong and such.

An American born Malaysian friend of mine has parents who couldn't spell "Ophelia" so her birth certificate says "Orfelia."

Isn't Orfelia a name in spanish?

Ofelia is the Hispanic spelling of Ophelia, but I'm not sure about Orfelia. That reads like a whole different pronunciation to me.

I clearly remember my high school latin textbook having twins named Loquax and Antiloquax.

Ohhhh shit

I also remember Magistra saying that this was pretty common practice when twins were born.

I was at the mall and a guy was calling to one of his twin sons. "Hunter! Hunter!" I have a few guesses what the other twin was called but i can't confirm them.

DeeDee?

i actually heard about that from a friend, i was shocked to hear someone speaking about it on the wide world of web. But yes, does say something about Australian culture

Wait a minute, guys, I don't want to get into some sort of "funny names" contest, ok? We should just drop this now.

Too late.

Had a job once typing up people's old sick leave reports, and found the name "Tiara Slaughter". that must have been some terrible prom.

I have no clue where in the list this post will pop up, but it is relevant to the discussion:

Ford is my real first name, and my three little sisters are named, in order, Neva, Raven and Morgrianna.

Aweosome names. The whole lot.

Don't make me get out the 'worst-named-person-you-actually-met' contest trophies.

I'll just list the first two and save the worst (best?) for the heavy artillery, since I know someone will think they have the winner.

Abracadabra and her older sister Sachet Potpourri.

Just for the sake of hearing your trump names, I will tell you the worst I have heard. I met a girl who changed her name to Janet because her parents apparently didn't know what a Clitoris is but thought it sounded beautiful.

LOVE THEM

MOIST

My neighbor's kid is named Anakin.

Seriously, need I say more?

I knew three siblings (two girls and one boy) who were named Fantasy, Mystery, and Jeremiah.

I tutored a kid whose baby sister's name was

Abcde. Pronounced Ab-suh-duh).

Yeah, I'm serious.

Hai Ho. Vietnamese kid. As if that wasn't bad enough, somehow somebody found out his mom's name...Mai.

Mai Ho and Hai Ho.

Went to high school with a burly Cantonese football player, went by the name of Tou Ger Li.

this, is a jewel

Don't be all talkin' smack about Mai Ho

Is your name supposed to insinuate that you've got the title Johnny the Homicidally Maniacal Guitarist?

Because that would be awesome.

My college roomate freshman year's legal full name:

Gaik George Geuk Leong Lee, Jr.

Not joking. He was Malaysian!

Mai Bong, and Ying Ling (as in the beer Yueingling)

One of my profs last semester was named Anita Ho. That's a big part of the reason I took the course.

Too bad Hai Ho's not a girl. She can marry my friend whose last name is D'Addario. *hopes someone here is old enough to remember that rhyme*

No. All it calls to my mind is a brand of guitar strings.

You would think it was a foreign name or at the very least a west coast trend, but let me guess, the parents live in the upper midwest and really like Sesame Street.

Hey! My sister knows a girl with the name Abcde but her name is pronounced AB-si-day.

heh I know a princess, whose name alone might not be the funniest one on here, but the fact that shes a hardcore feminist lesbian of the highest degree makes it sort of ironic. But we all still love her despite her parents obvious poor choices. I also know a Goldberry Long named after Tom Bombadil's wife in Lord of the Rings

My mother new three daughters named, in succession:
Faith, Hope, and Sharon.

Later, thinking about it in highschool, she was glad the family adopted a dog named Charity before they brought Sharon home from the hospital...

I grew up in the same neighborhood as a mormon family with the last name Rehder (sounds like Raider). Oldest son's name? you got it... Darth. REAL NAME. Yes, he was a dick.

When I was in junior high my mom and I had this joke where every time one of her friends had a baby, we'd suggest they name it either Elmo for a boy, or Jadzia for a girl.
And then one day. I met a little girl. Named Jadzia. And then it wasn't very funny anymore.

I may be showing some ds9 related dorkiness, but I think Jadzia is a pretty name.

absolutely it is! (given enough parallel universes.)

I think it would be a fine name. Different without being ridiculous, plus, you know, Deep Space Nine was really an amazing series.

Wow.

You'd think I'd just said that Aaljhdfocthulhuadisawejbdv was a normal name or something.

Chill the fuck out, dude.

There's no 'z' in that, so its ok

that's a straw man argument! using a straw man argument on me! Not cool!

"Fluffy" is not onomatopoeia.

damn... look who's bein a dick about terms!

You kow, alreadyinuse, verbosity does not equate intelligence. edit yourself.

I pondered naming my second daughter Jadzia Onna Hopkins. Not only does it sound nice (though Onna is a bit utilitarian, being Japanese for "woman") but it has a built-in nickname of "Joh" or "Jo".

You must not be around any Polish people among whom Jadzia would be a fine name (means female warrior) or Star Trek fans, as there was a Jadzia Dax on Deep Space Nine.

I think it's more likely to be name derived from the word for venom.

That said, a surprising number of sites link it to war.

At least it wasn't Tusken.

Support euthanasia for the children of Star Wars fans.

I just found out last night that an old friend of mine named her newborn...Salem Ezra.
I've been debating all day whether or not I still wish to be friends with her.

I'll settle this debate for you. No. You do not. You do not want to be friends with a person like this.

I can beat that. I knew a kid named Jake Lloyd. How embarrassing!

I know some NASCAR fans who named their kids "AC" and "Delco" - the ironic part is that the both work at a gas station...

My cousin and her husband named their daughter Dannica (sp?) after the race car driver.

There is a family who named their kids Rodney, Rodteisha, Rodneisha, and Rodkeisha. And they all go to my school.

I may have to give up my trophy -or at least split it with you - because that's about as good as what I got, for much the same reasons. A coworker's parents also thought this sounded pretty:

Clymidia. That was how they spelled it, but still.

She went by 'Cly' for short even though most of us urged her silently to choose 'The Clap' as a nickname.

Noice, different, unusual.

Gormster... loook at mooooooiiii!

You guys aren't helping our stereotype, I hope you know.

This reminds me of something slightly related.

In a study with non-English speakers, diarrhea was voted one of the prettiest English words.

lmfao.

as far as worst names ever, I think Princess is probably one of the worst. Especially since she's a masculine, dyke-y black girl. There is also a guy at my local grocery store by the name of Zenon.

I was in a swim meet once with twin girls named Princess and Precious. No lie.

Those are bad dog names, let alone people names.

In sixth grade my teacher told us a story about a friend of hers. I'm not sure where this friend was from - I believe it was eastern Asia - but she named her daughter after the prettiest English word she knew...

Diarrhea.

I know someone who knew a clymidia.

Its sad we live in a world where at least two sets of parents choose that name

I think "7" is a beautiful name for a boy or a girl. Especially a girl... or a boy!

You might like this song then:
http://www.last.fm/music/The Long Winters/_/Seven

FUCK YOU ASSETBAR. There's supposed to be plus signs in there, like this: The(plus)Long(plus)Winters(plus).

and in my frustration, I implied an unnecessary plus following Winters. I am a moron, and should be ridiculed accordingly.

Three lashes with a wet noodle.

I ridicule you accordingly

I drink your milkshake inappropriately

You know what's a nice name? Soda!

Vchub for Seinfeld reference.

Salmonella was one I was unfortunately privy to know

I had a crush on a Crystal Ball when I was living in Virginia.

I banged a babe named Beverly Hills.

How interesting, I was once babysat by a Holly Wood

My coworker is named Crystal Bell!

I just received a call at my place of employment from a one "Crystal Colon" yikes!

yeah, two people who had sex didn't know what a clitoris was, but somehow knew the word when they named their child. That's pretty amazing.

nobody ever said it was good sex

This is so subtlely stupid that it has always made me laugh more than those "out there" names.

My roommate had a white-trashy family in her hometown that really wanted a boy for their first child, and they were dead set on naming him Keith. Their first child was a girl, but they were undaunted, and decided to name the girl...Keithette.

Their second child was a boy, however, and, single-mindedly, they still named him Keith. So they had Keith and Keithette.

My roommate was instructed by her parents to always avoid their house on her walk home from school.

I worked with a guy once named Terrence. He had two brothers: Clarence and . . . Ference. Yeah.

I went to college with a Morgan Morgan Morgan. She was a total slut

I heard that in a Jan Brady's voice.

Dude! I actually knew a Rachel Rachel Rachel. Her parents were professional clowns.

I knew a kid named Sebastian Terror. Not white trash, just unfortunately named.
Know a kid named 'Atrayu'.

I once went out with a girl named Seabastian Toast. That is how she spelt it. She was rad.

Man, if you think about it, Toast is just an all around cool last name.

In one of my many Guinness Book of World Records (I have a lot), I noticed that all the records for archery by that year were held by South Koreans. Except one - an Aussie, bestowed with the name Jackson Fear.

Not so much unfortunate as it is fucking awesome.