Spy-Ware

Spy-Ware 04/29/2004 « prev 1st rand curr next »

Roast Beef saw through that lie basically immediately

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This is the funniest strip I've ever read. I laughed out loud, in the middle of the work day. That's an impressive thing, from my point of view.

That totally just happened to me. I'm with you.

I actually bought that strip to put in my cube at work.

Re-reading it is a good way to break the monotony of a work day.

i like to find computers that other people have left logged in, set this as their desktop background and then log them out

I like to sneak into people's apartments while they are asleep, then wallpaper their living room with this strip.

I am a registered sex offender.

wait

you made me chortle at your boner...i mean joke

Exactly what happened to me too.. up until this one, I managed to confine my laughing to silent shoulder shaking, but this one made me squeak.

understand that this is what he saw:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LfgN7HWub0A

Leet and very odd at the same time... compelling.

I know. I was sort of horrifically intrigued.

Man what the hell

That is mega nasty

That is dog shit

Actually, it's not THAT bad but it's fucking weird.

I love the subtle encryption of your YouTube username.

Ahhhh hahaha. I was wondering if people would see that and figure out it was me.

(Actually you'd have to be really fucking stupid to not figure out it was me.)

But, it's not so much an encryption of my YouTube username as it is just my name with the initial letters of my first and last name switched round.

OH NO I REVEALED MY NAME ON THE INTERNET GOING TO GET SO MANY STALKERS

I wouldn't worry about it. Your front door and windows all look pretty secure from here.

They don't look so secure from the inside though...

Dont worry about it becci higgs, nothing shows up on google.

Wow. Half the comments there are Achewood related. I counted.

Good on you for bringing this to our attention.

In that light, I think the saddest part of this strip is how Beef has taken the time to start a charcoal grill for the sake of one solitary, lonely hot dog, which he prods hopefully though it is still undercooked as he leaves for Ray's house.

i don't really know what i was expecting

Dear God.

See, whenever Ray's cake-sitting fetish is mentioned, I'm always like "Haha eww what a weird thing to get turned on by!"

But now that I've seen it? I'm like "Hey, alright. This is okay."

Thanks guys, I am a weird pervert now.

thats odd, but to me, its not even remotely sexual.

"Roast Beef saw through that lie basically immediately"

Alt-text FTW.

Ha, type through a napkin, excellent

This is really an awesome phrase there are a lot of keyboards out there you don't wanna touch

That weird gray fuzzy stuff stuck to the feet of your laser mouse, or the rollers inside your ball mouse... [i]how do you explain it's sticking there??

gah, i just can't do BBcode here. I CAN'T

static electricity. durrrrrrrrrrr.

There's a lot of people out there who I don't want touching my keyboard. My work colleagues have poor hygiene.

This is because he forgot to bring his giant condom.

busted! he looks so glum

He just looks at you and he knows that you lied.

Ray's history is being audited.

This strip is exactly like my relationship with my roommate freshman year, who became my best friend. It was different porn, but otherwise exactly.

Which one of you looked at the weird porn?

...he asked, fully a year after the original statement was made

Porn curiousity knows no bounds.

I identify much more strongly with this strip now that I've seen this type of porn.

Is it a bad thing that I saw this type of porn before I read this strip?

you guys are joking right

I'd provide a link but damn nobody needs to see that

BOO TO THAT

http://singlenesia.com/news/wp-content/uploads/2006/08/cake.jpg

Somebody gave that a chubby. I like to think it was done in the literal sense.

I was merely reciprocating.

oh god

That woman's proportions are strange.

What a ludicrous porno.

All porno is, at its heart, ludicrous. This is part of why it is AWESOME.

Reasons why I got into the businesss. That and all the sex you can eat.

oh. yes.

What the hell, man?! She ruined that cake! That could have been a tasty cake.

NOOOOOOO I Google'd this phrase and basically it lead me to Flushed Away porn.

NOTHING IS EVER OKAY EVER AGAIN.

Oh jesus like the second site on the list is devoted to porn from children's shows, and it's CALLED rule 34. someone must be shot for this

And you with a Jerkcity icon!

what, is there porn of that too

there was a whole segment about it on HBO's Real Sex a few years ago. the ladies were wearing bikinis and playing musical chairs but (you guessed it) one of the chairs had a cake on it.

asscakebitches.com
i thought it was a common kind of pornography.
in any case, the look on ray's face in the last panel is PRICELESS.

You are bad at the Internet.

Ray's dejected looks in the last two panels and Beef's unseen glare make this one for me.

one of my top three strips EVER

I love it when Beef gets all assertive.

The infamous fetish is revealed. Compared to most internet stuff, that fetish is mild.

I like Ray because his fetish is the innocent fetish of a child.

I... I don't think it is.

Beef is stone cold grillin' up a single hot dog

And wearing a tie while doing it

phthoggos this is my all time favorite comment on acheworld. good work.

Ha ha whatever dude. bravo. pshhh.

Why was this lamed three times? Strange.

roast beef gets serious, ray is ashamed

this strip is the bitch

It's funny how for everyone on the planet, computer literacy skyrockets once porn gets involved.

I have had people, when instructed to download a spyware removing utility, then ask if the simple act of downloading is enough to fix the problems. The last two panels really nail the humour.

You mean the last 2 panels of the first line?

Actually the two senteces in my post were supposed to be totally unrelated but on rereading your interpretation is really the only one that makes sense. But no, I didn't mean those panels.

Yeah, the body language and expressions in the last two panels are great.

I wanted to know if there really was porn like this, so I looked it up. I couldn't find any and was sort of disappointed.

Try googling "Knockers the Clown." I don't know if it counts as porn exactly, but she does (or did?) site on cakes. The book to consult on such subjects is Deviant Desires by Katharine Gates, which is among the best books ever.

I tried "birthday cake fetish porn" and got 495,000 hits. It seems Knockers the Klown is also known as Ducky DooLittle the Sexologist, and birthday-cake sitting is more popular in Britain than the US.

Holy crap. Onstad did some research before writing the Waterbury arc.

I am LiveJournal friends with Ducky DooLittle!

...she said, fully a year after the original statement was made.

Yeah, it's real. How I know this: Let's just say there's lots of "Rays" out there, and I know one of them.

Here.

Why did she use chocolate icing... WHY?!?

i wonder how poo gas expulsion can be thought of as erotic.......

He was also very possibly a virgin at the time of this strip - we know he had not kissed anyone up until he tried to kiss Molly and got Ray instead, and in the intervening period all his meetings with her were interrupted (it is only after this that she comes back to Earth).

beef was not bangin' a website he just had to scan his belly button so he could look at it close up

He was banging a website, but whatever. No cookies for you.

Old Ray sure loves the birthday cake under bottom sites. Man, I would be hell of embarrassed for my best buddy to know that about me too.

Good thing they don't read this site! Your secret's safe for now!

oh man. ray's face in the last two panels. he knows he is so busted.

Does Ray get off on women mashin' birthday cakes with their titties now that he is a breast man? I have been wondering this for a while now.

...I-I'd get off to that. I wonder why it had never crossed my mind ._.

type through a napkin does it.

this strip inspired a live cake sitting contest. i won it.

pics plz

I'm pretty sure the old saying goes, "Pics or it didn't happen"

did anybody get an infection, because that is immediately what i think of when I think of women sitting on sugary things.

also pics

The whole "Yet that is exactly what I see here," is so unexpected from the last panel. Absolutely brilliant, Roast Beef should be a porn monitor in every school library everywhere ever. It'd make more sense than some creepy librarian who actually used to be in porn.

but think about it, who would have greater vigilance?

the guy who kinda knows how pornography can get you in trouble, or the lady who's frightened of students finding pictures of her in the midst of a gangbang on slutpost?

I love Ray's "GULP" expression.

Addendum: http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08162005

Yeah for real, his facial expressions in the last two panels are great.

I have no idea why that last remark was scored a "con." I give myself a lame for that one.

Except that such a thing is impossible.

It's weird how somedays a certain kink will gun it for you and other days that same kink leaves you totally empty.

Oh, I know what you mean, man. The other day I was gettin' all hot over some sick Mick Avory beats. But today I don't even care about that. Today is totally a Dave Davies kind of day.

I actually really want to see this on the internet too. I even tried looking up sites with cakes, bums, mashing, and whatever German-sounding term it was referenced as... I just got this morbid curiosity...

This strip is excellent in so many ways. I'd like to see more involving Ray's strange fetishes. I feel like Ray and Pat meeting in a chatroom and accidentally talking dirty to eachother has great comedic potential.

I think they would figure eachother out since they have known eachother so long. However! Teodore and Vlad did this to an extent, and it was funny.

Most comic writers would end this strip after the seventh panel, and it wouldn't be half as funny. Onstad is the master of the seemingly superfluous but actually indispensable last panel.

I love how intense Roast Beef gets whenever computers are involved.

Ray's last two faces are EXACTLY how I felt when a friend found all the stank-ass shit in my history folder. Oh the burning shame; then the indignant defense; then more burning shame.

Ray's face in the last two panels!!!

brilliant!

Beef is so offended by the idea of Ray's little fetish. A far cry from getting off on haveing your bozac flayed, admittedly, but still a little weird.

When Beef brings forth Service, even the mighty tremble.

Oh man, I've been to that cake site. It's awesome.

I love it. This is one of my top 10.

First Achewood I read.

A cat wearing a shirt and tie but no pants barbeques a sausage while chatting on the phone. I love it.

yet that is exactly what I see there

damn.

Well...someone had to, I guess.

I AM SO ATTRACTED TO THAT.

At long last, my fetish! Scientists have shown that everyone's got at least one crazily specific and esoteric fetish, you just have to find it. I can rest at last.

Thank God I can't see her eyes. That'd make me feel weird.

it makes me kinda feel worse that i can't.

but i don't know if i'd want to.

*claws at brain*
WHAT IS HAPPENING

Damn waste of cake!

Oooh la la!

Note for future iterations: Needs more jam. Perhaps she could mash the icing between her toes and then get told off by her mum. Her mum is not angry but disappointed in her. Zoom in on her mum's face.

Hokay, to all the desperately hungry and morbidly curious who've tried and failed to find ladies sitting on cakes, did you try typing "cake sitting" into your image search? If not you are making this too hard for yourself.

Two words for the epicure: splosh [food naked ladies] & gunge [gooey glop n.l.]. Go now & sin some more.

I love the way that in the last panel Beef feels it necessary to say that that is what is on the computer, even though it is already obvious from the context of the panel before. Beef being all confrontational and intense.

can i rate this a five more than once cause this comic is the bitch

in panel 7 it looks like Ray's lip is actually trembling, like he is going to cry. he is that ashamed.
cake sitting porn is very close to his heart

Beef doesn't mind so much nasty porn. He just doesn't like BEING LIED TO.

I made a color version of this strip to print out. Real basic stuff, but if anyone wants it, http://img518.imageshack.us/img518/1009/achewoodcolorsl6.png

you shouldn't have.

You sir, are just fantastic

I bet Beef is doing his big wide-eye stare in the final panel (Please note Ray's look of submissiveness and worry).

Also, "I want to type through a napkin" describes how I feel when I attempt to use my friend's computer. He is a dirty, dirty fellow.

one of the first times i laughed out loud while reading achewood. I chuckle alot but this was a snort causer.

Ray's face in the last two panels makes it.

who doesn't love cake or bottoms

I just changed my vote on this strip from a 4 to a 5 and it moved above "The Mountain and the Motorcycle." I control THE POWER OF LIFE AND DEATH!!!
I choose not to use it however. The other is the better strip.

Hee hee hee hee hee! His face is so sad! hee hee hee hee hee!

"...it gets all the problems away?"

Cracks me up every time.

Ad-Aware really is a good program.

so you think there were no payments to mr onstad by lavasoft?

This and the strip where beefs dong is ll danglin are tied for my favs.

5 for beefs face. In final two panels.

Ray just goes from slump to gulp in those last two panels.
RB on the offensive.

When I read this comic to myself the first time, I unintentionally read a pause in Beef's sentence in the last panel.

Yet that is exactly

what I see here

I blame Beef's eyebrows. He looks so stoic, burning a hole through Ray's face with his gaze, and that sort of tone is what I imagine him using.

oh dear...ray's face in panels 5 & 6. i almost fell out of my chair.

Y-you mean 6 and 7?

...you mean 7 and 8?

that's what I meant to say

I want to find the sons of bitches that rated this comic less than a five, and punch them in the neck.

I'm surprised Ray had enough leetpower to find any ladies mashin' birthday cake round their butts. I been lookin' fer that kinda junk fer years now!

I am Ham eat

What a great fetish to have, Ray.

This is one of my favourite strips, right after the Comic Sans one.

Beef! One hot dog does not a BBQ make.

This strip IS a cure for depression.

Can't believe no one has posted this http://www.cakefarts.com/

That's a not work safe link by the way

But it is absolutely hilarious.

I think it's hilarious (and silly) that Beef would fire up the charcoal just to cook one hotdog. All twirlin' it around by its lonely self...

I gotta say I admire the man. I've done it myself, and I'll do it again.

Love it. Laughed at the screen, then immediately checked out the youtube video.

To Whom it May Concern
The strip you have just read is Hall-of-Fame Achewood. If you do not like this strip, you do not like this comic as a whole, period. Pack your shit up and go read Candi or something, because you reading this is pearls before swine.

I am serious.

This man speaks the complete truth

haha, epic.

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Spy-Ware 04/29/2004 « prev 1st rand curr next »

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