Philippe's king equipment

Philippe's king equipment 12/07/2007 « prev 1st rand curr next »

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Take that, glass-half-emptiers.

He will be five AND rich.

Wait - so will he now drink his own piss?

Neither Nolan nor Philippe need this idea.

[IMGS OFF]

idiot art student.

Did someone call me? Are we talking about musical theatre? Les Mis perhaps?

(Not actually gay)

[IMGS OFF]

Klingon sex worker

Isnt this place (nyu) hilarious!

What is the Thac0 on an ironic t-shirt?

You just live in a tiny, tiny little world, don't you?

I can only hope he was kidding.

So set your lame limit to 100?

You mean Rochester?

Man this sounds like a good idea. It's a shame I only know 3rd edition.

Klingon Sex-Worker!

That has GOT to have a higher DPS than any other class / race combination.

I want to be a gay klingon hard-boiled cop. I'd like that.

I'm not going to lame this. But I'm appalled that nobody has.

seriously?

That's a nickname for CRT I haven't heard before.

I might have to steal it.

Cute Rodent Terrarium, eh? Brilliant!

Betty: Don't the Hamsters live in open air, like us?

Paul: Of course, Betty, it's absurd. Putting the Hamsters in glass cases would be inhumane.

Paul would know; Paul is a scientist.

You know, it's pretty hard to science with you dancing around like that.

Crap! "do science" is what I meant.

Maybe. But now the idea of using science as a verb is stirring up all sorts of amazing things in my brain, and this makes you a fantastic individual, tekende.

Yeah, it is kind of a good typo. I did hesitate a bit to correct it.

I've seen a bear do things... Things even a bear wouldn't do.

My name is Ranger Brad. You can call me Ranger Brad. Most folks around here do.

We all know he probably got that outfit from Ray. That's probably Ray's "I just gone done tenderizing some chicken for fajitas" outfit. Right down to the candelabra, because sometimes Ray don't have much sense at all.

"The Future" strip can be interpreted to mean that Ray's lack of sense around candelabras will soon come to play a pivotal role in his life.

Man, you know that money is totally a socially acceptable substitute for brains around these times.

I thought it was more of a trident aflame. Crowns when blogging, cell phones whilst on toilet; the cat is a cat of well-executed accessories. If by "well-executed" you mean "non-sensical".

Cornelius doesn't mess around.

CORNELIUS BEAR: HE GETS THINGS DONE

He lays down the law.

He is definitely not afraid of the fucking police.

There is a reason Cornelius won the Badass Games.

I can't help but think of how Joe Pesci ended up in Casino when I read this strip

I thought of Office Space's adaptation because I'm a dork I guess.

In the seventh panel, he delivers his prepared remarks to the computer.

I'm almost certain you aren't dealing with any cricket afficianados. Your comment was most liekly interpreted as a score you were giving the strip, 6 being higher than the amount of chubbies you can possibly give a strip, therefore underlining your enthusiasm and failing to generate the approval of your peers.

Sadly, this is true.

I thought that people thought that biff thought that misterkoss thought that he was referring to Cornelius hitting the computer as "delivering his remarks" (which he clearly didn't), and so those same people thought biff was correcting him saying that the panel in question was panel 6, when misterkoss meant a theoretical 7th panel.

That is by far the most logical explanation. My hat is off to you, good sir, for your commendable service done unto this fine man, a mistaken ghost roaming the plains of uncertainty. You quenched his thirst with your powerful logic, and he may once again bathe in aromatic cane sugar liquid that composes his confidence and certainty.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, damnit.

I thought you just wanted to tell us 720.

That is fucking hilarious!

Artificial Chubby Substitute.

"The Cricket Bat as a System of Justice"

THE MAN IS SO OLD SCHOOL HE PUT A DUNCE CAP ON A FAX MACHINE!

This is not it.

This whole thing could have been averted if Philippe had asked for a sandwich instead, Cornelius doesn't like whoring out his dance skills.

The man is mighty proud of his many quadrilles.

Cornelius Bear: The Dude AND The Catastrophe!

I don't know if I'm just in a giddy mood, but this strip is particularly hilarious!

[IMGS OFF]

Teodor sucks at cricket.

Thanks for noticing that! I would have totally missed that

Holy crap. Holy crap. Incoming reaccuring nightmare of background bear mauling me!

it looks like its its got some 'i'm powering up my cuddle level is over 5000' pose there. i dub background bear 'bearku' or something lame like that.

*Cue wonderously Photoshopped picture of Background Bear with a DBZ thing on his eye, saying "OVER FIVE THOUSAAAAAAAANNNNNDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!"*

Nine thousand.

Drat. I'm sure 5000 was some sorta milestone however. This was before everybody was going Super Saiyan on us, and point levels actually meant something.

[IMGS OFF]

C classes up his destruction with a cricket bat, the only sport that stops for tea.

And lasts several months.

Do you know why cricket isn't successful in America? Americans can't cope with the idea of a game that lasts for a week and still has no result.

Though I have to say your so-called "football" matches drag on for much, much longer than they really should. Somehow, eighty minutes turns into six and a half hours.

My claim is this: sports are largely an excuse to drink and yell.

I believe this is true, and as such Americans enjoy games that last as long as a serious drunk does. I'm not much of a sports guy, but if I watch a game I want it to last long enough for me to get drunk but not too long, because then I'll wind up insensible. I want to be riding high when it's done.

Now, as often as I've tried, I can't drink for a week straight. Wish I could, but that time I got the shakes at the coffee shop taught me a pretty valuable lesson. I'm sure there's grace to cricket, and all the stats and facts about it are very interesting, but fundamentally when I watch a sport I am going to drink throughout the duration. Should the duration stretch too long, Bad Times will occur.

Not being able to drink for 48 hours straight without sleeping makes me weak as piss?

To be fair, piss is actually pretty strong.

about as strong as american beer slam dunk

Wait a sec... the internet doesn't convey subtle sarcasm very well - that was meant as a joke, right? Right???!

I have been told by beer snobs that there is a new trend in brewing that has Americans becoming the brewers of the best beers. I dunno myself.

This of course has no relation to the fucking close to water swill that you see advertised on TV. It is about brew pubs and microbreweries.

I think it boils down to this: if you're an American, and like beer, you have to brew your own. Good hops are hard to find here (we mostly get pellets from Britain) but toss in two pounds of chocolate malt on top of a mountain of malt extract and you got yerself a real American beer.

I'm one of those lucky people who lives 15 minutes away from a Hops restaurant, privately owned since the franchise went under. They do a 'Clearwater Light' that is absolutely loaded with hops and still has an incredibly smooth taste. It's a shame they are in basically only four states now.

When American beer is good, it's really good. When it's bad, it's really bad and really well-marketed. Most of our good stuff doesn't go overseas, due to us drinking it first.

There's an old Monty Python joke made in mockery of Australians in which an Australian says, "You know, American beer is kinda like havin' sex in a canoe... It's fucking close to water!

Which is true. See if you can unravel that tangle of nations.

Regardless, though, your fois gras is probably like a brillo pad, mate. Chin chin.

the sad state of American beer is similar to that of fosters in Australia. there is a ton of good stuff in America, simply by the fact that we have 200 more million people to work with then many other countries. American microbrews and smaller companies are awesome.

i work in a bar frequented by tourists here in sydney and sometimes people (americans or british usually) come in and order fosters not knowing that no one in australia drinks fosters. i get to scoff and offer them a victoria bitter which is equally crap.

VB = Very Bad. Simple joke for a shithouse beer.

Yeah, I gave you a chubby. However, did you just insult the U.S. and then use a basketball reference? Michael Jordan told me to tell you that you have terrible teeth.

Old, Female...Towel in yet another skin.
How do you keep them straight?
...

don't answer that.

Man not even Shane Warne hepped up on diet pills could play for 48 hours straight. They stop every now and then for cucumber sandwiches.

Then let me point you in the direction of one-day cricket (approx 8 hours, including lunch break) or 20/20 cricket (approx 3 hours). Ample time to drink, yet not so much time that Bad Times are the consequence.

(Also, the sensible test cricket fan doesn't watch the whole game, but spends a couple of days following the action online while at work, then turns up to the ground for a couple of days over the weekend).

I'm not sure about this; think of how averse we are to games that can end in ties? Hockey has had some serious apathy in the US in recent years.

Ah, but in one-day cricket a typical score is around 250, meaning a tie is rare, and actually quite exciting. (technically, test cricket matches end in draws, not ties - a draw is when they run out of time to finish the game; a tie is when the game is finished and both teams have exactly the same score - it's only happened two or three times in history). (Not to take things completely off-topic....).

I think it's more like Shaun of the Dead has been watching Cornelius.

More like cricket has been wat--... wait, nah. That don't make no sense.

No, go on!

I agree with gormster. Consider this post ENCOURAGEMENT!

I think there should be a month long story arc all about Cornelius Bear vs. The Internet.

I am one hundred percent in favor of this idea.

O HAI IM IN UR <KRAK!>

Do you see a lot of cricket bats in California? In Australia they are a main thing of dudes.

Segues? Check. Sailboats? Check. Parachutes for surfing? Check. Sybians? Check.

Cricket bats? I was only in Northern California eight months, but I'm thinking Cornelius has the only one.

Thank you for making me google "sybian" at work.

Ooo... that's rough. But then... you got to learn what a sybian was, so maybe the "Thank you" is genuine.

Sorry about that.

Ooh LA LA LA LA!

And you spelled Segway incorrectly... for no good reason. Don't give that thing a classiness it doesn't deserve, man.

I give it so little class, I neither know nor care how to spell it. (Unlike sybian.)

I think he means that Northern California has many transitions from one thought to another, which is correct.

Few months ago I saw a crew of nerds on Sayguayz in a row cruising the park in San Jose. Wanted to shoot them all.

I think we can well and truly attribute blame thusly: Segway spelled segue incorrectly. Now and forever, amen.

Fortified wine : Sherry :: Fortified soda : ________?

Zima?

Now with extra high fructose corn syrup?

Jolt Cola

I was thinking something like Diet Coke Plus, but that doesn't sound like Philippe's beverage of choice.

Phillipe will politely drink any soda without complaint, knowing that soda is a privilege, not a right. Not even for royalty.

Teodor makes him drink Coke Plus for health reasons.

King Piss

My thoughts exactly.

King Piss sounds like some sort of VIctorian urine entrepreneur.

I love this concept.

SURGE

i miss those intense commercials...dang.
...i miss the drink, too..but there you are.

Red Bull, Rockstar, similar junk

Fortified wine is actually something like Mad Dog 20/20 or Night Train. Not at all the kind of thing Cornelius would partake of. Fortified soda must be something like Coke Blak, a thoroughly noxious concoction.

From:subscriptions@aged-bears-smashing-monitors-with-cricket-bats.com

Subject: Subscription Activated

Ooh La La~!

.con, eh?

Cornelius looks very dapper when he is committing an act of destruction.

I've posted this before, but it bears repeating: do not mess with Cornelius. He will defend himself, his kin, and his wards.

Thank you for showing me a pamphlet about being a Victorian gentleman-ninja.

One of the first things I did on starting a website was create a banner of a Victorian gentleman-ninja performing a coup de grace.

I particularly enjoy the phrase "Avoid being Hit by Retiring out of Range of your Adversary's Stick."
So a good way to defend yourself is to wait until you are old and your family put you in a care home.

Also it's nice to know that robes, crown and candelabra-scepter fit for a child-king will run you less than ten hundos.

Philippe ran for president, but ended up king instead.

Truly, a great man of politics.

sounds familiar...

only a real man will use a cricket bat to save a child's innocence

How do they destroy computers?

Cornelius: cricket bat, perfect form

Roast Beef: elaborate system of pulleys

Ray: sideways Glock, regret afterwards
OR
paints it rainbow colours and a tank top and gives it to Pat as a "gay computer" which he obviously needs now

Nice Pete: USB vegetable cutter, power supply, rigged to web page: first visitor sets it off and receives congratulatory e-mail with video

Vlad: rough, ultimately confusing night for king of the make-outs

Whereas Lyle would just do a :( on it

Yep, Lyle would :( in its general direction.

Or projectile vomit on it, causing it to travel 3 feet

That doesn't happen by not caring. But in this situation, Lyle may not care. He and Lyle are pals, as established.

Bullshit. Beef would hack that computer into exploding just like in Die Hard 4.

Beef would install some niche command-line only *nix-a-like and make the computer off limits to all but himself.

Some think Beef would destroy the computer through hacking, but to destroy a computer, he would have to first reject it, and dispatch it using other means. Remember, Roast Beef likes science and technology, not just computers.

Also, other computers in the household already run UNIX.

comic number 1337: a resounding rejection of the Internet

I see you are 1337 as well.

I:M SO FAKKIN 1373~~~~!

lete?

bad spellers of the world untie!

Candelabra on a long stick: a classy way for a king to fight off a frankenstein.

Or a gasoline golem

hahah

agreed

I disagree with assetbar. I have not given out enough chubbies on this page.

freedom means he does it, and we see that he is a jackass, and much is wrong with him. and express these ideas to him. this is not an attack on his freedom. but his jackassery. and wrongness.

Chubby for 'Jackassery'.

My avatar is from a Jack Chick comic, it isn't supposed to be horrendous, but I suppose it seems pretty horrendous. Check out www.chick.com if you aren't familiar with Jack Chick, it is some seriously ridiculous stuff; freemasons, conspiracies, one-eyed god prophecies. I will now change my avatar to a guitar.

Ok, anything from a Jack Chick tract is acceptable, but only in a "I know this is offensive, but more people need to find out about this offensive nut-job" kind of way. Oh man that guy is equal parts hilarious and terrifying.

May it just be said that most serious Christians - though I hate to use the term "born-again" because it has bad connotations nowadays - most of us REALLY CAN'T STAND JACK CHICK. Well, most that I've met, anyway. Just wanted to let that be known.

The problem with Jack Chick is that he is serious.

god is this fucked up
http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0055/0055_01.asp

That's... terrifying, that something like that could even occur in his head. I mean there are the valid holes in evolution (hint, there are not many) but so many things he said were plain wrong - just incorrect. For anyone who needs them pointed out:
[*]There's no 212 million year old human fossil, or anything like it.
[*]Of course petrified trees are there amongst millions of years of rock because the sediment built up around them, over millions of years. They're fucking trees, they're not going anywhere.
[*]We don't date the fossils by the rock, we date them by how much of their Carbon-14 - which is continually replenished whilst alive - has decayed.
[*]And the strong nuclear force (gluons) has been observed directly at CERN.

The theory of evolution is so poorly conveyed.

"I mean there are the valid holes in evolution (hint, there are not many)"

I hope you mean that there are not many valid holes in ToE, and are not referring to the supposed lack of transitional fossils.

ARRRRGGHHHHHH FUCK YOU JACK CHICK

panel 1: "believe" in evolution? Yes, in the sense that I "believe" in gravity. Try "accept as the best scientific explanation for the world around me."
panel 4: ad hominem
panel 7: It is not illegal to teach the bible etc... in an appropriate context, such as a comparative religion class. It is illegal to teach it as science.
panel 9: Note that no actual facts are presented here.
panel 10-11: No, this is simply wrong. This is a conglomerate of several straw-man representations of various scientific fields, put together by creationist Kent Hovind. No actual scientist makes this claim.
panel 14: wrong on the date. Also, the experts cited say no such thing- they merely pointed to similarities between Lucy and modern pygmy chimps to argue that said chimps are our closest living relatives.
panel 17-18: A classic.
Lucy: Not a chimpanzee; among other differences, Australopithecus afarensis is bipedal, whereas chimps are not.
Heidelberg man: Not "quite human." Compare the jaws and see for yourself: http://www.talkorigins.org/faqs/homs/mauer.jpg
Nebraska man: misrepresentation. Nebraska man was never taken very seriously to begin with; the scientific community was skeptical of it from the get-go. When further excavation revealed the truth about a potentially important fossil, the, discoverer (Harold Cook I think was his name) admitted the error. The fossil was "built up" not by scientists, but by the popular press, who were denounced for doing so by Cook himself.
Piltdown man: Ahh, yes. A hoax. What Chick doesn't mention is that it was scientists using the theory of evolution who figured out that it wasn't real: Piltdown represented a European branch of human evolution, when all available evidence pointed to African origins. The discovery of the forgery solved a great deal of problems. It took several decades to catch it, and it was very embarassing, but remember- it was scientists, not creationists, who caught the hoax and admitted error.
Peking man: The original bones have been lost, but there are plenty of casts around.
Neandertal man: One fossil showed signs of disease, and disesase such as rickets and arthritis have been attributed to Neandertal fossils, but there are many differences between Neandertal and modern man which can not be explained by either- the curvature of the femur and the thickness of the bones, for example. Furthermore, there are fossils of Neandertal children, who would not have been afflicted by arthritis. Chick woefully misrepresents the report in question.
Guinea man, Cromagnon man: Yeah, they're human. Who has ever said otherwise?
panel 19-20: Looks like someone doesn't understand index fossils.
panel 21: "polystrate fossils" are not a problem for geology. See: http://www.talkorigins.org/faqs/polystrate/trees.html
panel 22: Not touching this one; the embryological evidence for evolution is way over my head. From what I gather, both Haeckel and Chick are full of it here.
panel 23-26: Vesitigal organs need not be functionless, they need only be made of tissue homologous to tissues in related organisms, possibly with different functions. But if you want functionless vestigial organs, try molars in vampire bats, or the human appendix.
panel 26: Evolution is not teleological; there is no "goal" that it aims for other than adaptation to the environment. If this is achieved by the loss of a structure or function, then so be it- evolution is about change, not progress.
panel 27 on: This is just plain schizoid; note that Chick stops giving arguments and sources here and simply makes assertions. Incorrect assertions. With a touch of paranoid OMG ATHEIST-EDUCATOR CONSPIRACY thrown into the mix, followed by students being brought to Christ by a collection of lies and distortions. Talk about your feel-good movie of the season.

Jackass

The WTC guy, I mean, not you, gormster

I am now horribly confused. Can i get a link to this dude's avatar or something?

seconded

For reference, it used to be a avatar of two buildings and an airplane heading towards it.

Where's the money Phillipski, where's the fucking money?

"Does this place look like I'm fucking married. Do you see a ring on my finger? The toilet seat's up, man."

1. Marriage is still a sore topic with Philippe.
2. If the toilet seat were up, Philippe might fall in, and he knows that a toilet is a chair you can't make mistakes around.

Ve cut off your johnson, ja, zen ve stomp on it, sqvoosh it.

Who lames one Big Lebowski reference while ignoring the others?

A dolphin jumps through a ring of this.

damn, beat me to that one.

Also, I needed to look this up, so I figured I'd save anyone else the trouble:
ERMINE

1. an Old World weasel, Mustela erminea, having in its winter color phase a white coat with black at the tip of the tail.

4. the rank, position, or status of a king, peer, or judge, esp. one in certain European countries who wears, or formerly wore, a robe trimmed with ermine, as on official or state occasions.

It's ducat. I looked it up, just to be sure for the community.

You pronounce it as if it were spelled "ducket," but you spell it ducat.

In Olden-Tymes Europe, or in Newen-Tymes America. Doesn't matter.

You say "doo-cats", everyone knows that. The name is derived from a measure of value, 500 cat testicles.

Cornelius does not mess around with internet perversion! Unfortunately, his methods only attack the display of the problem, and not the source.

I think he is mainly doing it for fun/style points

Being the Ultimate Badass, Cornelius is equally equipped to handle perverts and zombie attacks.

Anything Simon Pegg related deserves a chubby.

phillipe I sincerely hope that the internet never happens to you again, like the internet has happened to us

Maybe Nolan just has an extravagantly-patronizing-local-small-businesses fetish.

Yeah me too, it was a pretty ferocious laugh too, I was glad nobody was home.

I, too, laughed out loud pretty loud, yes.

virtual chubby for reppin b small... :)

Mr. Bear.

In the study.

With the cricket bat.

Outta chubbies this will have to do.

How about:

Ray
In the Greenhouse
WITH HIS BARE HANDS
(coached by Beef)

Nice Pete
In the Basketball court
With his van

doctor andretti
in beef's computer room
single bullet to the base of the skull

and:

some teenagers
in a van
peeling out

Little Nephew
In the bedroom
With some Vaseline
(and some damn tissues)

Teodor
in the kitchen
with the cast iron frying pan

Todd
in the Volcano
wringing a stork's neck

Christopher Onstad
With his mighty eraser,
at a barbequeue

Pat
In the garden
With the pistol and the surprisingly strong liquour

Nice Pete
In the rlggh rgg ug gurg gll *thump*
Visitors 1 Home 0

oh cornelius, you old bear, you don't know how futile your actions are. you cannot destroy phillippe's internet business with a cricket bat, this isn't the old temple where you can just turn over a bunch of Mead sellers' baskets and slap some whores on their cheeks.

chubbied for Rt. 460 and colleges on/near this road, not for animal cruelty

Do you go to HSC?

hampden sydney?

farmville, bitch.

People in Farmvegas have the internet?

I went to HSC, going back there next semester.

nope, VA Tech dropout.

Chubbied for animal cruelty.

Ran out of chubbies, so couldn't chubby for animal cruelty.

Instead, you get lamed for explaining that it's a cricket bat.

This has troubling implications vis a vis Philippe's affection for king piss.

Mr. Bear brings the thunder.

Philippe does not just want any dance, he wants a dance that will please him. If it's not pleasing it will just not do.

Ahh, whatever will I do now.

You'll have to go back to the beginning and unread some strips.

I'll take that challenge.

Cornelius Bear:

HE DOES WORK

I find it odd how Philippe's wearing ermine. 'Tis a kingly thing to do, though ermine and otter are related weasel species members.
"KRAK" The sound of tubes to The Internet being broken.

I suppose, although people do wear gorilla skulls, so I reckon it's much the same thing.

This comic is brilliant. Perfect ending to a hilarious week.

And Ermine is the white with black spotted fur that outlines the capes that kings wear. It's named after the weasel who possesses the non-spotted fur.

Cornelius could manage Spinal Tapp pretty well, I think

I want Cornelius Bear watching my back any day. Dude gets things done.

Certainly, in the topsy-turvy world of heavy rock, having a good solid piece of wood in your hand is often useful.

Philippe looks mad intense in panels 4 and 5

The little dude sure got uppity as soon as he was crowned.

he looks hilarious when he gets all full of sass like that

OKAY. Who else really wants King Philippe tattooed on them?

So this story arc is basically an allegory for the past six years of Onstad's life, right?

Cornelius Bear: an Enemy of Evil Technology, and can spot genuine ermine from three feet away.

Instant 5 for the fact that Cornelius is so classy he destroys a computer with a cricket bat

Cricket bats exist for the purpose of destruction. Ask the English Cricket Team.

the dude can recognize genuine ermine fur by sight.

This is proof that money corrupts, even the youngest and kindred of souls.

I dunno, Cornelius. I've seen some pretty rich tortillas in my day.

yeah i knew this one that had all sorts of cheese.

It was a rude and raunchy tortilla.

Tortillas these days are largely nonsense.

A lot of people are calling bullshit on that tortilla.

I understand the cape and the crown (mine are currently in storage), but the candelabra on a stave confuses me. I do not see any reason why I should feel compelled to carry round a candelabra when I could just as easily put one on the mantel and just stay in the room.

And this is why you will never be King material...

Cornelius used to be the muscle for most of the Oxford Literature department.

Oh, what I would give know for an extra chubby!

Well, there it is, what were you offering again....??

Phillip is (King Henry) five.

? I tend to thinking you're kidding, but if you aren't, damn.

If he's not, it's even funnier.

You know, I'd like to take this opportunity to thank Chris for pretty much avoiding political cartoons.

I chubbied this as a fellow Brit

High Speed Internet History Lesson: American and British history diverged a good while after that. So uh, its our history too. For real.

I think Poing must be a time traveller. Otherwise I am not sure how he is still sensitive about a battle the english won, six hundred years after it happened.

YOU WEREN'T THERE, YOU DON'T KNOW

An ermine isn't spotted, exactly. It's all-white in the winter, except for the black tip on its tail. Every black spot on the fur trim is the tip of an ermine's tail.

I'm all for eating tasty animals, but discovering this was very disturbing. If you think of it, it's almost like wearing a necklace made of skulls. Except not people's skulls.

Cornelius in the last panel, is pretty much the embodiment of Punk Rock.
Why yes i have capitalised "Punk Rock"!

God Save the King
He ain't no human being!
(He's an otter.)

I am on Cornelius' side, and realize he is partially preventing Phillipe from having internet access and partially just venting his rage and disgust.

But at the same time I feel like saying "oh, my dear antiquated Mr. Bear. You are smart, classy, and tough as shit, or nails, or nails made of shit --- but you cannot fight the internet. Thanks to wifi, the internet is probably in your lungs even as your swing your wrathful cricket bat."

I think that you misunderstand Achewood completely.

HHAHAHAHA! chubby for you!

I am too friendly to chubby you so kindly accept this pleasing dance I am doing for you.

Isn't it really telling kids that if you become someone's Potty Pal you'll be pimped out in ermine after just a couple of days?

Onstad has a baby now. He needs to let kids know that you can't have dinner with people from the internet for a thousand dollars.

It would cause problems in the community!

'Cash reserves of a tortilla' did it for me.

Phillipe referring to Mr. Bear as Cornelius, and demanding a pleasing dance made it for me, every single line after that just was gravy. I think this has become one of my favourites.

yeah can we just pause to reflect how comparing Philippe to a tortilla is probably very adorable.

Agreed, that and 'fortified soda'.

Cornelius is a role model to me.

Alt ending: Cornelius Bear drives his Yellow School bus with the Gothic Arched Windows through Comcast headquarters, destroying the Achewood internet forever.

Now I'm noticing that lately phillipes involvement in the strip has simply been a setup for someone to get uncharacteristically angry about something he's done. Is there some sort of bitterness towards children lately?

Also, did he already have dinner with Nolan, or did he get paid up front? Because this sounds like it'd be a very interesting encounter.

Another user once commented that the older Onstad's child gets, the less cute Philippe will become. So you may be right.

Yeah, I can see how the kid passing the toddler stage will lead to some rage issues.

Don't worry, this is not going to turn into a strip that is constantly about a 5 year old.

Damnation do I love a good ol 'bitch battle' twixt the two! CASH RESERVES OF A TORTILLA etc. :)

Of course it'd be a cricket bat.

Beautiful on-drive played through the computer by Cornelius.

I need a King Philippe shirt.

I'd quite like a t-shirt with the last panel bearing the caption: Cornelius Bear, Winner of the Badass Games

Fuck, now I have to go back and mark every other strip I gave a 5 down to a 4.

One more strip, and you can safely retire knowing you read 1337 of them.

Do you get that funny feeling when you look at the time and it's 13:36 and you're all "Come on! Yeah!"

m\My clock has 24 hours per day, i dunno bout you.

Haha, it was a serious question. Nothing I see regularly uses the 24 hour display instead of AM/PM.

That's because America is obsessed with finding as many systems of measure as possible that don't make any goddamn sense.

I say this as an American who is frustrated that I can't imagine someone's height if they tell me in centimeters, or the distance to go on a trip if I have to think about it in kilometers.

If you do you spend too much time on the internet.

You really put things in perspective. I think you deserve some chubbies. Chubby!

What's Ray got to do with this?

Everything, man. Everything.

Especially since the quote just means that Ray dislikes Phillipe. That is not rad.

That was just a reference to Ray and Beef's discussion about kings. I can see someone not finding it funny, that's what lames are for. No biggie.

I know the reference. But bringing up that Ray doesn't like kings, in a comic that features Phillipe being a king is... well, see my previous comment.

KOODGE!

He needs to take stock.

If "Philippe's King Equipment" isn't a Guided by Voises song, it should be.

Also, Cornelius has inspired me.

This deserves more chubbies.

Anybody else find an otter wearing ermine to be a bit disturbing?

Wow. I am totally in awe of the cartoon events portrayed here.

Including Cornelius in this way has completely rocked my socks.

Cotnelus, teel. Also, 9 means nothing.

Also, I'm pretty sure Cornelius just put his wreck all over Roast Beefs monitor.

How is that man going to spend on his wedding with a broken machine?

Mr. Bear has said himself that you should judge the audience and not the author. Phillipe is just too young to write bad romance novels.

Can't say I'm really a fan of the new painting

it's no R.Beef cpu

I much prefer Interstellar Rain..

There's another painting up for auction here

[IMGS OFF]

i actually won interstellar rain & gave it to my wife for xmas, but we've since split up. i miss that painting...

Oh, man of COURSE Cornelius owns a cricket bat.

TAKE THAT INTERNET, YOU'LL NOT BEFOUL THIS HOME ANY LONGER!

The Internet.

It's just not cricket.

Too Friendly, so you get an artificial Chubby substitute.

mr bear seems to have little to no patience with children. almost every encounter he has with phillipe is something somewhat frayed.

Cornelius does not suffer fools lightly, even if they are rich (Ray and the Volvo of Despair) or five (Philippe and Everything). but, as we can see, he tolerates the exposure of children to potential online predators even less.

cornelius. wtf.

cornelius. ftw.

The bear attempts to confront his dissatisfaction by hitting the computer with a cricket bat.

This is really the only proper way to handle the situation.

Ray and Phillipe should have a king hat party

Revelation: [url=http://m.assetbar.com/achewood/uuaqmJGZr]Nolan in the third frame![url]

Nolan in the third frame!

http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07262004

Sorry for the spam. FYI-I failed computer science.

Talkin' out of turn...that's a paddlin'.
Referrin' to male jelly as magic gravy...that's a paddlin'.
Peddlin' false encouragement to pedophile on a series of tubes...oh, you better believe that's a paddlin'.

I can't believe no one has noticed this excellent Simpson's reference. good show sir, good show.

I am giving this a five and there is absolutely NO NEED to explain why.

Every problem has a Cornelius solution.
(If someone else has already said this exact thing I apologize.)
Also, Onstad should make one of those little self-help coffee-table books like "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff" called "Cornelius's Solutions."