The Butcher's Diagram

The Butcher's Diagram 08/24/2007 « prev 1st rand curr next »

It's the hardest call a little boy ever has to make.

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Displaying all 249 comments

Jesus Christ

You shouldn't have yelled at him. That was uncalled for.

Congratulations Jesus Christ

You are

The Horrified Exclamation of the Week

I've never told anyone before that I laughed until I cried without using it as hyperbole holy shit man.

If you laughed at this there is something wrong with you.

Oh god dammit. That'll teach me to ignore threading of comments. Now I look like an idiot.

... Now?

Thankyew, thankyew. This been responses with a perfect set-up. I'm your host Ghede. We hope to see you again next time. Goodnight.

your mother

your mother ...is Lord!

the new film in select cities by Peter Greenaway

Don't be sad! In this strip, Philippe looks like a piece of toast!

This is my worst nightmare. But it's an entertaining horror.

Phillipe Phillipe Phillipe...The saddest thing is a piece of dog food scuttling across a table top to call his mommy and ask for help.

The Saddest Thing is that he believes that his mother can help him.

Of course she can! You don't get to be mom if you can't fix everything just right.

Hush, my baby. baby, dont you cry.
Mommas gonna make all of your nightmares come true.
Mommas gonna put all of her fears into you.
Ooo babe, of course mommas gonna help build a wall.

I'm guessing this is a pink floyd reference?

"the only thing YOU can redistribute is my disapproval"

I hate you for getting there first.

It IS the saddest thing. Reading the last few panels made me feel this pit of despair in my stomach. I've had to make a phonecall like that before (however not for similar circumstances).

That is so freakin awesome! Haven't seen a truly scary one in a while.

retarded? I'd be careful. Phillipe is like everyone here's nephew.

Their Little Nephew.
But better.

He is FIVE.

I do not see ribeye on that chart.

From what I hear, it is the mosts nutritious cut of steak.

Definitely. It's made of 100% health giving meat.

So healthy is the ribeye, in fact, that when it was still connected to the cow, the cow was alive.

Bummer for the dogs who have to eat other animals' faces.

Also, that was amazing.

In the world of Achewood, dog is the lowest of animal and they throw it the scrap parts of the cow because it does not discriminate.

I love dogs, but they will eat a cow's face with no shame, and then beg for more.

You know barbacoa is cheek meet from a cow, right?

It is a delicious meat, particularly in tacos.

isn't cheek meat called rump?

I'm here all week. Try the barbacoa.

It's generally goat here.

I thought barbacoa was barbecue. I was looking for Carne asada on the chart. No such luck.

But I will say I do like well prepared goat!

note to teodor: good birthday presents do not inspire visions of relentless horror.

New bumper stickers, inspired by lack of article:

I give chubby.
(by itself, or with options:
Option 1: ... at RR tracks.
Option 2: ... for kids.)

Give Chubby?
(choose celebrity with iconic representation of chubby, akin to milk on upper lip.)

Chubby on Board.

Can Has Chubby?

No is chubby, is Vlad.

Has Vlad Chubby?

Until you are SO chubby.

Assetbar has Officially Overlapped with my real life:
This morning in the cafeteria a friend of mine dropped a Wilde reference on us and i told him "Chubby for literature, dude." It just popped out. I had to explain to everybody about Achewood and assetbar and the chubby system. I live in fear of a friend's arrest.

Do you people see what you've done?

"Consider yourself CHUBBIED!"

or maybe

"If you can read this, you are LAME!"

I have a feeling Teodor wouldn't have said this if he saw that Phillipe took the time to outline his own face before posing the question.

The blood... the urgency... But really, it was when he said "Mommy" that my heart broke.

Ohgodohgodohgod it is 4:18 in the morning and that is *plenty* of time for nightmares to come.

Whats worse is you know he can't hear her loving and calming words, his ears already having been made into tasty little dried chew toys.

Also, Phillippe's thinking face is exceedingly cute.

Agreed. Worse is people just repeating the punchline from the current strip, and then getting a zillion chubbies for it. We already read it, people.

The dude has got no mercy.

Oh god what have I started.

A lamefest for things that used to be given chubbies.

Times have changed.

Well, I'm glad someone finally said it. Chubbies for you and gormster below.

I'm inclined to give people a pass as long as they aren't quoting the same comic they are commenting, and if the quote is actually relevant, and hasn't been done a thousand times.

Unless the very fact that it has been done a thousand times is being deliberately satirized... of course.

Whoa, fuck. That is horrible.

Videogames desensitising you? Who are you, Joe Liebermann?

I think you were just born with a malformed 'aughghghghghg' gland

he said literature, too! zefiel got all mean and street-tough from reading jane eyre

William Wordsworth made me The Monster that I am

Oh! dreadful price of being to resign
All that is dear in being! better far
In Want's most lonely cave till death to pine,
Unseen, unheard, unwatched by any star;
Or in the streets and walks where proud men are,
Better our dying bodies to obtrude,
Than dog-like, wading at the heels of war,
Protract a curst existence, with the brood
That lap (their very nourishment!) their brother's blood.

The pains and plagues that on our heads came down,
Disease and famine, agony and fear,
In wood or wilderness, in camp or town,
It would thy brain unsettle even to hear.
All perished -- all, in one remorseless year,
Husband and children! one by one, by sword
And ravenous plague, all perished: every tear
Dried up, despairing, desolate...

(WW, The Female Vagrant)

Lewis Carroll got me.
Now we're all mad here.

What kind of games have you been playing?

Actually I think there might be something like this in the Mortal Kombat series, though I wouldn't exactly call those "video games" so much as "dog shit".

Philippe's face is a soggy, spongy slab of tofu, streaked in dogfood jelly.

Philippe, you must know something: things will never go back to being okay again.

Phillipe is a fucking legend.

I'm with Gerry Butler on this one.

I dont want to talk about it.

Paging Dr. Phillipe Lecter . . .

Hmm . . . my comment makes no sense now without the one lamed off above it.

Don't worry, I have my lame limit set to 9999. The idea of removing comments based on lames alone seems kind of silly to me. Especially, but not exclusively, because it's based on lames alone and not the chubby/lame ratio.

I said "lames alone" twice in consecutive sentences. HELLO INTERNET IT IS 3:00 AM

My lame threshhold is is set at 10, and it works pretty well. This typically only removes really shit comments anyway.

I think the whole thing of making things that are "too lame" go away is really silly, even if it were to be based on the ratio. God forbid we read something our peers have deemed to be UNCOOL.

When I was five I dreamed I had done very badly in Kindergarten and was given to the "better" students as a dry fiber filled husk doll. That dream haunted me for months. The black stitches!

when i was five i dreamed that Chewbacca cornered me in an ally repeating "i'm not gonna hurt you little guy, i'm not gonna hurt you."

it inspired a short story that got me a smiley sticker.

So did he keep his word or did he sucker punch you as soon as you let your guard down?

he pulled out a knife and pressed it against my throat. i woke up screaming about chewbaca and his knife.

I don't think there's anything scarier than Chewbacca speaking english.

Oh my god. In some kind of "Of Mice and Men"-style dumb Lenny tone of voice?
Waves of paralzying fear and revulsion just passed through my head and throat.

At first I missed the "not"s and thought you said that he was saying "I'm gonna hurt you little guy, I'm gonna hurt you."

Which would be all kinds of wrong to say to a five-year-old.

Those are...definitely "dog-food-outta-can" noises....

He researches his sound effects real good.

SNIF SNAF SNOOF

Lamed for hypocrisy.

Absolutely justified.

Have you ever seen anyone do sound effects, in text only, better?

Indeed I have not.

only Dave Sim.

There are two cuts of Phillipe: Face and Not-Face.

That's one tender faceless steak though. I'd wrap in in bacon.

This should be the alt text.

Your dog could be eating the face of a five-year old right now.

Yes, and yesterday I bought five DENTED CANS of Alpo from the "Priced to sell" cart at Winn-Dixie. There was no reference to "Otter and Otter By-product" on the label, but the Alpo was made in . . . CHINA! They'll can anything! (Tibetans, usually, these days. Oh, and there's documentation of Chinese dog food being made from . . . dogs. Like they haven't heard of the Laws of Conservation of Energy; how entropic can you get?)

Canine spongiform encephalopathy. Nice.

Man, hi-five for the mad cow reference.

Mad Dog reference ?

Phillip has discovered body art!

Kinda, Kinda.

Shaving glasses into yourself goes a bit beyond a haircut.

I've had to make calls to Mom like that before. But now I consider myself lucky, because each time I still had my face attached to my body.

Phillipe's dismembered face wants to be animated in the style of a mop from Fantasia

I see it more as the blanket from The Brave Little Toaster

god dammit that'll teach me to be slow

Spot-on. All catchin' on the thorn bush as it gets whisked just out of reach of the merry group.
BLAAAAANKIIIIEEE

Everyone who's been complaining about nut-hanging fanboys can just read this one and give up on putting Onstad in

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