First Dance

First Dance 03/14/2008 « prev 1st rand curr next »

On leaving, Roast Beef tips the DJ five dollars.

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Wake me up before you go go go?

Or just Wham!...?

Is that a "no"?

Straw! Hey, Straw! I... I think we may have a mutual friend of the flesh-and-blood variety?! See, he's wont to repeat your opinions on gin from time to time (assuming you are the "you" I think you are), so when you were talking about gin in this thread it all sounded hella familiar. You oughtta come down and play with his new pinball machines sometime, man!

WE SHOUD PARTY

If you are who I think you might be, it will be so fucking hillarious and Tom will love that I spelled out his full name (Thomas Butkiewicz) on the internet.

I can't wait to see how this turns out!

Heh! Is the gubmint gonna get him if his name's on the intertubes? I hope next time I go over to his place I find him crouching in the crawlspace with his guns and a month's supply of beef jerky, Evan all having conniptions in the background.

You are rad.

Man, I wish my real-life friends read Achewood without me having told them about it.

I saw one of my IRL friends posting on here, but I generally thought his comments were lame and so instead of pointing out who I am I made fun of him instead. I use the same username everywhere though so I assumed he'd figure it out.

Also, that is basically all that Evan does.

Just eternally having conniptions in the background while Tom does something stupid, yes.

if that was at me, note that i was referencing the unnecessary repetition coupled with the ridiculousness of a band actually naming itself duran duran duran. though they were the artists behind the seminal "make it big", saying "wham! wham!" just doesn't have the same absurd ring.

/explication.

Wham! Duran Dur-Wham! Are currently touring.

I am just learning about this band, and I am so angry now. Associating Duran Duran with homosexuality, who would do such a thing with a clear conscience?

people who don't wear mascara

Wham, definitely WHAM!

Go go gadget folding chair!

Mach Go Go Go?

Please.
Enough.
Let it go go.

61 people disagree with you.

By the looks of it, no one agrees with you.

chubbied for Conchords avatar

Thankyou, Mr Spock

lame

I just thought you were talking like a pirate again.

Now you know: don't rush to be first.

and knowing is half the battle...

Is your icon an Escher triangle made out of dice?

its a penrose triangle. i don't know if they are one and the same but i expect our assetbrethren will enlighten us.

An escher triangle is just a more general term for it -- due to M.C.'s frequent use of similar images in his works.

Awesome.

It is also an impossible object. No such 3-dimensional solid can be constructed, except as a disconnected series of beams that appear to be a triangle when viewed from a certain angle.

It is also known as a "Tribar".

now i know!

Awesome.

"Assetbrethren"? Don't leave the ladies out of it! In case you've not noticed, some of them are brilliant!

Seriously, I know it's only been an hour, but this deserves more chubbies.

Have the first

I think you mean to say he will go WWE on your ass. I am pretty sure the World Wildlife Fund does not stand for hitting cats with folding chairs, even if they are being dickheads

Perhaps he will go WWW on your ass -- thorough beating with the blunt side of a MacBook, live video webcast, then he'll go home and bang a website.

But then he won't get any cookies!

He's NOT my friend.

I'd give him a chubby for that alone. You however, do not get one.

All sides of a macbook are blunt. It's their defining characteristic.

WCW?

Don't ~~know~~ give a crap if anyone will be interested, but the blunt side is one of a few major defining and important characteristics of any good wrestling weapon.

Let me explain.

See the first shot Beef give Showbiz? That's how a chairshot is supposed to be - hit flat against the body/top of the head*, maximizing flat impact area and thus minimising injury.

See it done well here:
The Rock did it with the best, and hit quite stiffly.**

See the second hit? That will fuck you up, because it's on the edge of the weapon. Unless you genuinely want to severely injure/kill*** your coworker/dickhead brother, don't do this.

See someone doing it wrong.

There. I hope you all feel informed.

Not really. I just wanted to say it, and spread the knowledge of how wrestling works. It's fascinating, really!

*NOTE: Never back of the head - lest, after repeated times, you want to end up with post-concussive brain damage-induced psychosis and ultimately hurt yourself and/or others. See Chris Benoit.

**Nonetheless, if ever you watch the positively wonderful behind-the-scenes documentary Beyond the Mat, you will discover the aftermath of this particular grueling match. Namely, the thumb-sized gash in Mick Foley's head and the screaming trauma caused to his family who watched the whole thing. Despite wrestling being choreographed, it's tough. And if you're gonna play it hardcore, you WILL get fucked up badly.

***Yes, "severely kill."

I wish I could give you a chubby for "severely kill" as it reminds me of incredible death.

There are many reasons I wish to give this multiple chubbies. "Severely Kill" is a top-fiver.

I am saddened and dismayed that Youtube has peed in your information fountain.

[url] http://www.flickr.com/photos/hope_chest/3341101734/[/url]

http://www.flickr.com/photos/hope_chest/3341101734/
Dammit!

Or introduce you to the wide world of hog fluffing. Although to be fair Showbiz didn't diss his dog.

He'll fuck you up to "Fools Rush In", no less.

Sidebar -- this song was featured in my wedding, also. Yet again Beef and I live parallel lives.

That's probably not that special, as that song is likely featured in 19 out of 20 weddings/receptions in the US.

I'M BROKEN. THE BLOOD IS ON YOUR HANDS, FOOLS!

SHOOT A COP, BUY A NOSE ON EBAY.

I'LL BE DEAD BY THE TIME THEY SLAP THE CUFFS ON

Heyo!

Isn't that song called "Can't Help Falling in Love"?

Maybe it's the UB40 version instead of Elvis. I don't know if that would change the title of the song, but it would really give the dance floor beat-down some class.

Oh yeah, I forgot Elvis sang it first. I was picturing the UB40 version, but the Elvis version has possibilities. Maybe Beef can get everyone else to wear "TCB" bracelets and join in.

If it was Elvis, he probably didn't sing it first but stole it from a blind black banjo-playin blues man. Unless the Elvis you're talkin about is Costello.

He actually stole the tune from "Plaisir D'Amour" by French composer Jean Paul Egide Martini. On that note, WHO GIVES A FUCK IF HE STOLE HIS SONGS, HE HAD A MUTHAFUCKIN' VOICE.

correct

Let's give Beef the benefit of the doubt, as he seems visably upset.

He was so riled, he forgot that Cornelius is supposed to be performing the ceremony.

Even in Roast Beef's rich fantasy world, Cornelius would not stand for that kind of nonsense. Beef wouldn't get the chance to beat his brother to a pulp before Cornelius solved the whole matter with effortlessly gracious violence. Or a bat.

My friend Ricky's name is actually Jono. Don't really like him, but he's good for weed.

anyone else have a "friend Ricky"?

No, there are people I like who can get me dope. However I do know a few showbizes.

You may have just replied to one!

oh no people please don't think I'm just a showbiz! I don't want that mark on me, I can change!

Listen pal, alls I'm sayin' is you got a friend Ricky who you don't like but he's always greened up.

To your credit, you haven't brought him here.

nor will I ever, and you can take that to the bank.

If your friend Ricky is indeed often greened up, you'd have a better go of it taking him to the bank.

Someone's confused about the "green" allusion, apparently.

No, people oftentimes exchange one green for the other.

No, seriously, Ricky is totally greened up. He drives a Prius, brings his own reusable grocery bags when he shops at Whole Foods, and has more carbon offset credits than Al Gore.

Another green has entered the fray.

A CHALLENGER APPEARS

one of the finest examples of the speaking avatar phenomenon.

agreed with terrainasaur
chubbied

DO NOT MOCK! (It isn't easy being green!)

He also recycles the shell casings remnant from glocking the cow in the back of said Whole Foods.

The most annoying thing about pot heads is how they hang out with people they don't like in order to obtain pot easily. You can't even be friends with them, because next thing you know, you are hanging with them AND ricky, and it's a bad scene.

:[ I'm not worthless...

I guess it depends on how you define worthless. I got a BS in Mathematics, Magna Cum Laude, while getting high every day. I then got a jobe making over 50k a year as a software engineer.

While getting high every day.

But do you have any butterscotch candy? No? Then you are completely Wertherless.

Defusing an awkward situation with puns about butterscotch earns you a chubby.

I wouldn't worry too much about trying to explain these simple facts to such people. I've known a lot of these types. Their one stoned experience was spent huddled in the corner, haunted by visions of their fifty-foot-tall, fire-breathing grandmothers, weeping tears of blood over what they'd just done to themselves. They can't understand how people like us can smoke regularly and still excel in life, and it drives them crazy. Just leave 'em alone and we'll do our thing.

And of course, my first-ever assetbar comment is in defense of the chronic. Too predictable.

Off the topic, but...

Given that it's your first ever comment, and the "New Members" section says you joined a mere 15 hours ago, how in the hell did you already view all 1386 strips???

Have you spent all 15 hours just reading Achewood?

No, seriously, have you?

Yes, seriously, I have.

It's funny. I was a big fan a few years back. Then I got busy, life did it's thing and I ended up kind of forgetting about it. When I stopped reading it, it disappeared from my life. Most of my friends don't care about things like this.

Then, just yesterday, I'm reading some random blog and I see that something called "The Great Outdoor Fight" is being put out by Onstad through Dark Horse. That was literally the first time I'd thought or heard anything about Achewood in, like, three years. I got to feeling nostalgic and I decided to see what ol' boy'd been up to. Obviously, there were a lot of surprises in store for me.

Anyway, potentially long, boring story short - I woke up early this fine morning, brewed some tea, did a J and told my girl I was stayin' in. I signed up and started reading. I then kept reading. You get the idea. It's been an interesting day.

You know what? Achewood got really damn good! I mean, I loved it back in the day, but Chris has really taken it to an incredible level. In a way, I'm glad I was away for so long. I've been crackin' up literally all day, and that was made possible by my not having seen most of these.

It's been a good day.

ha ha ha ha, I think you just gave us an example of the "pot head stereotype"--you "did a j" then read 1386 internet comics in a row ;-)

Just teasing you, I'm not a man who decides how anyone should spend their saturday.

I'd tend to disagree with that. That's a pretty serious achievement, reading the entire archive in one sitting. I'm pretty sure it took me the best part of a week.

Well done, sir!

Yeah, I was kind of considering that angle as I wrote that. I guess that is the sort of thing a stoned person would do. But honestly, high or not, I'm definitely not a "stay on the computer all day" kinda guy. It's just that this comic absolutely floors me. I know I'm preachin' to the choir, here, but this stuff is just pure genius. Once I got started, I almost felt like I had no other choice. I needed to do it. And truthfully, it was nice to force a day off like that. I straight carped that diem!

Anyway, say what you want about the stuff, but being in such a state can really improve one's focus. I know that's not what it's known for, but it should be mentioned.

And I should stop talking about weed, lest I typecast myself. Also, I promised myself that today I'd do all the things I should've done yesterday, so here I go.

Glad to be here, though.

I straight carped that diem!
... is my new motto.

Dude I am so sorry I exhausted all my chubbies before you came on the scene. Your bare enthusiasm is refreshing and infectious.

Saturday? Shit, I would take a day off work, smoke and read Achewood ALL DAY LONG. Even though I (think I) have read them all!! It is the happiest thing.

I think you might be my new hero. Move over Ted Williams and Ghandi!

The Splendid Splinter I'm not.

Ah, if only hitting a major league curve was as easy as clicking "next."

Just so many virtual chubbies.

My Friend Ricky is called Bill, but his real name is James.

You think I'm joking, but I'm not.

surely if you were joking it would have been funny.

oh snap!

well surely if you were joking then GO FUCK YOURSELF

Crazy, I have a roommate called Ray, but his real name is James.

The one on the left is called Ricky. Clearly, he is good for dope.
[IMGS OFF]

Ah, the houndstooth shirt. Always a classic.

Houndstooth is my favorite pattern.

I'm an argyle man, myself.

All these shirts, all of them, disturbing. Real people wear Achewood Merchandise.

I've been known to wear the pint glass.

I've been seen donning the Achewood cookbook, but it was only for some "intimate photography," and not regular day-wear.

Herringbone here.

My dad is Ricky.

Showbiz is left speechless, now that it is apparent that his brother has substantially more balls than a carrot listening to violin music.

Pure poetry.

Panel 7: "alright good yes that is a chair I am holding."

And you, the second.

we doin' this!

I can get on board for this, yes I can!

the next song played will be "Boys Don't Cry" much to ray's dismay

and then, to Ray's delight, "Africa".

Oh man, I am glad that I know this exists, so now I can track it down and listen to it.

I searched youtube for 'africa remix' and there are a lot of songs that almost made me barf. I almost barfed because I listened to a song!

you marryin' the whole family, Molly...

Don't tell Showbiz that, he might take it literally and expect Molly to spread the lovin' around...

i like beef's violent side, it's so well reasoned. he even plans in advance - that is a 21st century man right there.

In some Polynesian countries beating the everliving fuck out of your brother is a wedding day tradition.

In Kazakhstan, as part of a wedding service, the men compete in a wrestling match.

Sascha Baron Coen did not have to make this one up.

Clearly Beef's strongest moment since telling off Gramma K.

Is your avatar an evil bagel?

Toasted in the flames of hell.

The tip shows real class on Beef's part.

Damn you. I came here specifically to say that.

I think the DJ would merit at least a $10 tip.

For one song?

Plus, the $5 would have a nice spattering of Biz-blood on it, totally making up for cheapness with utter barbaric nobility.

I am personnally in love with the little flourish Beef does with the chair in panel eight, after holding it up in seven. The tuxedo and spotlight seal the deal.

A chair shot is all in how it's presented, you know.

I think he turns it around because he wanted to make sure to hit Showbiz with the flat part.

Exactly what I was going to say.

It's the Great Indoor Fight.

You have low expectations of great, eh hombre?

When I glanced at your avatar a second ago I thought you were biting the tail feathers of a passing bird and smiling as it tried to fly with its tail in your mouth.

I chubbied you for this.

Holy shit, Beef. Holy shit.

If I have ever doubted Beef's raw factor previously to this shining and defining moment, I am proud to say that I have absolutely none now.

Rock on, Beef. Rock on.

Then again, with how he handled himself at The Great Outdoor Fight, I obviously have not been good people.

Forgive me.

The extra twelve hours Onstad spent drawing a guy getting beaten with a folding chair to UB40 were, I think, more or less worth it.

UB40? UB40?!!!?

Elvis, you fool!

It's a fuck your brother up with a folding chair Friday!

That sounds like something from http://www.girlsarepretty.com

Watching this actually happen would be priceless. I could only assume the wedding would return to normal right after the first chair assault, giving Showbiz time to get over it until the first dance rolls around.

Would Beef and Molly begin dancing after the second beatdown, or would that take the place of the first dance?

Showbiz is not recovering from that beatdown that day. He has been put in the recovery position and if he survives for the paramedics to arrive then that is well.

CAT FIGHT

I am waiting for a Panel 12 where the crane comes down and the shovel lifts him off the dance floor.

Nope. Post-beatdown, Beef rolls straight out of the place, Molly by the hand, and into his R.V for his mini-golf tour.

At the doorway, Beef spins around, pulls a crisp fiver from the silver money clip Mr. Bear gave him at the buck's night, waves it in front of the DJ's face and declares to the assembled loved ones, "we outy but there is still hella shrimp on a stick my brethren so gruffle on"

Panel 5: Molly looks like she's being swallowed by a python.
Panel 11: Is that "slam" Beef leaving, or is it him slamming down the chair so that Phillipe can sit back down at the kiddie table?

Man Roast Beef wouldn't use Phillipe's chair. Roast Beef will be super nice to the little dude on that Special Day, and Philippe will be nice in return.

He'd use Todd's chair.

I do wonder if Todd would even be invited...

Probably. Beef is too nice not to. It probably wouldn't even enter his mind not to. I mean, he was quite prepared to let Showbiz come when he could've easily not told him about it at all. He only flipped his lid after some seriously off-key shit was said.

That being said, Ray will understand the attendant risks of having a coked-up squirrel at his no. 1 knucklehead's big day, and will make sure Todd stays off the blow until the newlyweds peel out from the reception, all tin cans hangin from the back of their vehicle.

It will be Todd's wedding present, to not do coke at the wedding.

I see what you did there.

I like the second blow.

I definitely know what it's like when you hit someone, but that doesn't fully get your point across, so you hit them harder in the head.

Beatin' the stupid out of your adversaries?

The final five panels are uploaded to YouTube. The title of the video is "WHITETRASH WEDDING RECEPTION LOLOLOL"

Every comment has more misspellings than words.

Chubbied because the comments on YouTube are a fucking societal horror show full of sub-literates calling "fag" on anyone not literally having sex with a lady. Jesus.

Actually, on YouTube you would still get called a fag even if you were having sex with 100 ladies while eating beef jerky with one hand and punching a grizzly bear with the other. There is no rhyme or reason to the fag-slinging.

Well to be fair, at that point you're really just compensating.

I have sex with hundreds of simultaneous ladies regularly. Is not compensation. Is only Tuesday night.

Boosh!

And/or kakow!

So, is the saucy jack an audio jack?...

is that a 3/4-inch jack? snap!

Seriously, though. Vlad requires XLR or greater for maximum efficiency.

I always figured vlad would "interface" through 5-pin MIDI.

All this talk of fags leaves me wanting a smoke - and I don't even smoke!

(British usage, just in case it sounds ill.)

Is it bad that I went and searched for this, just to make sure? Or is it worse that something actually came up?

The worst is that you didn't post whatever came up right here on this page.

I love the pastor's eyebrows. When his right eyebrow is raised, he is concentrating on the message of the ceremony. When the leftie is up, he's disturbed, but he's irritated and disappointed when both are up.

We all have our own Rickys

I get to go my second brother's wedding this summer. I will not get pummeled with a folding chair. It is likely, however, that everyone will high. I'm trying to get him to let me do the ceremony. I'd waive the honorarium for him and everything!

That priest is some serious clergy

but come on, a 4.7?

probably greek orthodox, name cold plain ends in "ologus".

Make that a 4.8 good sir. If youre gonna put actual numbers in a post you better be ready to update it religiously, its the wikipedia thing to do.

I, like many others, will never forgive your mother for failing to have an abortion before it was too late.

Oh hee hee!

You are mean.

welcome to Acheworld, Snick!

fuck along now.

HAMBURGERS?

Snick? Like what I used to watch on TV when I was a kid? I do not remember Nickelodeon's Saturday night lineup involving clits at all.

You're remembering it wrong.

The clits were on right after Are You Afraid of The Dark?. Only those of us who were brave enough to stay up that late past that show got to see it.

It was superscary!

[IMGS OFF]

Can you make one where you replace Showbiz with snocks' avatar and change the words above to "I LOVE CLITS"?

That will have to wait until I am not drunk, but that might be doable.

AWESOME. Let's chubby this bitch up, folks!

Tekende, you are and ever shall be a friend. We have been chubby'ing each other since early times.

oh nasty!

We're just a couple of knuckleheads from the day, we are.

This animation made me realise just how long Beef must've been standing there holding up and looking at the chair.

He looked up at the chair, considering, then swang. Much like Ken Griffey, Jr.

Beef's swing is a dog's swing

It could never make a fire sing
It could never make a college drop out
realize the error of his ways
and return to school for his Communications degree
and a 3.5% wage increase.

Not like Ken Griffey, Jr.'s swing

That is a beautiful sentiment.

No he swang more like a journeyman AA-league utility infielder. He doesn't have the practice. What was awesome about Beef's swing was its rage.

Yeah, I guess he's more Jeremy Giambi than Say Hey mk. II.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0i6QU--fuk I've been watching this .gif while listening to this.

I love it when Beef gets angry. Me-ow.

Only the lowest of dudes use Pacific Bell.

the look on the minister's face in panel five suggests that, while this particular response to uncouth relatives may be a little unorthodox, he finds himself agreeing with Beef's decision to get rude all over his brother.

Minister Sumbitches, you mean?

Nah, son. The next song should be Rhythm Of The Night and Ray should be ambivalent.

Or maybe Smuggler's Blues.

The shape of the bottle makes it look like Showbiz is pounding back a bottle of wine. What's with the frenchie fart water, 'Biz?

I'm guessing it's a 40 of Colt 45 or possibly Old English. This is what I believe.

slugkid is doing to reading comprehension what Beef is doing to Showbiz in this comic.

While it thrills me to see Beef standing up for himself (massive understatement), I find it also relieving that this is only a hypothetical situation, and Beef's wedding has not actually been 'ruined'.

No woman wants to see her man that angry when she's just about to put a stamp on spending the rest of her life with him.

Granted, with Todd in attendance, the wedding being ruined isn't that unlikely.

Also, Showbiz and Todd would be BFF if they met? Discuss

NO! Todd has standards. He'll be drunk and annoying but he won't do something like ruining the ceremony. Remember, he was NOT doing cocaine at Phillipe's birthday party -- that was his gift. Surely his wedding present to Beef and Molly will be no less.

Well then, bitches need to SACK UP

POW!

Man I just got in after playing the worst fucking show ever and then on the train home finding out my girlfriend has left me for her ex and five out of five seems like a woefully inadequate mark. This gets a fucking MILLION. FUCK THIS GUY. FUCK HIM GOOD.

I'm sorry, man. As a sign of my condolences, I'm going to resist the powerful urge to turn the above story into poorly written slash fiction.

Dr. Manflesh, however, will make no such promise.

A chubby for my condolences. That really blows, man. Nothing worse than being left by a girl for someone else.

Man why would you even say a thing

yeah, come one lateadopter.

oh...oh fuck.

on*

You are seriously harshing folks' mellow, man. Wow. I...I hope such a thing never happens to me. Or to anyone else.

Too late, sorry.

That's rough.

It'll happen, sooner than you think. But gin helps you get over it!

Man everyone knows a proper MasterCard ad parody has to have at least two prices first, if not three. One is just lazy. Go sit in the corner and think about what you've done.

LOL for thinking I have that kind of cash.

Really. C'mon lateadopter, this guy posts on Assetbar, is in a band and has to take the train home. Like this guy even has a credit card without his dad's name on it.

Apparently I'm too friendly today... so just know, fineoakstructure, that your comment amused me.

I wasn't talking about that guy, and it doesn't look like anyone was all that mellow for me to harsh on it. That was personal experience.

Take all your income for 6 years and any savings you had at the beginning, and see what it adds up to. Subtract that from your column and put it in hers.

Then add up the rest of your life, free of her machinations. Put that in your column.

Who wins?

Geez, the other guy complains about some girl leaving him, and you people are all sympathetic.

Lateadopter, what is the saddest thing? Seriously, that is pretty terrible.

(pssst, hey! lateadopter: I wasn't being serious.)

Fuck that guy and that girl for leaving you in a shitty way. Fuck everyone that sucks. If you find yourself in Nebraska soon I will get you drunk and we will find you a skanky girl to drown your sorrows in.

Look how angry he is! That's all caps he is talking in!

In other news "Mexican Brain Detergent" my new favourite name for Cuervo.

And a virtual chubby for you.

The pool of blood under Showbiz's head reminds me of an opening scene in Law & Order. "Rigor hasn't set in, the blood's fresh. I'd say we're looking for a blunt object, maybe a folding chair."

"DJ's got the dancefloor covered. Let's see if he knows anything."

[cut to Logan, holding the DJ over the edge of the booth]

Anybody a Brandon Bird fan here? This comment reminded me of the "Law and Order: An Adventure to Color" coloring book...

Great book, thanks for the link.

You do not tell a person their wedding was, is, or will be boring. That is a basic question of decency.

Of course, we know Showbiz is as well-acquainted with the concept as he is the epic poetry of John Milton or similar works of classic literature. But this strip really drives it home. He's just not a simple-minded and disgusting free-loader. He is, at his deepest core and in his truest essence, completely and totally self-interested.

Reading this strip, I am minded of Beef's outburst against Gramma K. Kudos to Onstad for being able to make a normally quiet and passive character show sudden strength on multiple occasions without it losing potency or becoming predictable.

Aren't weddings boring though? I mean that's the impression I get from all the movies I've seen. At 24, I'm fortunate enough to still never have had the occasion to attend one.

Most weddings are pretty short, so if you care about one or the other of the people getting married, no, they're not boring.

Weddings mostly reflect the individuals getting hitched. When boring people get married, the weddings are boring. When crazy, out-there people get married, the weddings follow suit.

...and theres always a guy iu a fucking kilt.

*in.

Christ its two in the morning and i'm correcting my own bleeding spelling, guess Drunkle Jebediah was right when he said i'd never accomplish anything.

Now I'm envisioning a kilt that's only worn when fucking! "That there's my fucking kilt!"

And here everyone thought the Scots reproduced via asexual budding!

Mel Gibson wears a special (though anachronistic) "fucking kilt" iun braveheart, during the bit where he bones that lass in a waterfall.

that scene is responsible for why i dont drink scottish mineral water.

Movies are not a reliable substitute for real life experience, younger-than-me-by-a-few-months padawan!

Yeah, weddings aren't quite destruction derbies of heart-pounding entertainment, but normally they're quick and if it's your best friend or your brother or whatever it is a pretty emotionally moving occasion.

Why damn not, though. I will never understand why we as a society refuse to actually celebrate any occasions, ever.

Because our society was founded by puritans who thought fun was a sin?

Um... that's what the reception is for. Getting drunk and crazy. I don't know what kind of weddings you've been going to, but once the ceremony is over it's time to PARTY!

Achilleselbow, you are in for a sad surprise, because movie weddings are infinitely more interesting than actual weddings. No one ever fucking bursts in and stops the ceremony at the last second. The priest never has an idiosyncratic speech impediment. Everyone just forever holds their peace, and then you have to listen to the DJ play that song about celebrating good times come on.

See, that's exactly why I don't want to get married in a movie studio.

Virtual chubby.

So, wait, at which point do you slide to the right, slide to the left, take it back now y'all, one hop this time, right foot let's stomp, left foot let's stomp, Charlie Brown, Cha Cha now y'all?

tuuuurn it out!

also: CRISS-CROSS!!

This song was played at my friend's wedding last year. It was...well. It starts playing. Everyone gets out on the floor and starts dancing as per the instructions. And you just can't help but join in the fun, even though you know how stupid it is.

Er, the wedding reception, I should say. I can't imagine the sort of person who would play this song at their actual wedding.

BS, if the priest doesn't say "mawwiage" and "twoo wuv" at my wedding I'm never getting married.

You're forgetting the part about straining not to argue with your soon-to-be in laws because they're generally assholes.

Has it been to long, or can we still open the door, get on the floor, everybody walk the dinosaur?

Sorry, if you do this for long enough, you end up getting pretty tired.

I dunno, I've seen your icon around here walkin' the dinosaur for weeks and it doesn't seem to be getting tired in the least.

Whenever you navigate away from acheworld, my icon collapses in a heap, panting heavily. When you come back to check for new comments, he sees you coming and is grooving again before you scroll down.

The PNDT has a hard, but rewarding, life.

Imagine tuckered out and sleeping PNDT. Aww.

Hey man, you want to come watch the Super Mario Bros. movie with me?

...yes. Yes I do. But only if Miku the psychedelic dancing T. Rex can come.

It wouldn't be a party without him!

A party? With the Super Mario Bros. movie? Count me in!

Damn, man! Yes! Yes! Old School!

OLD School!

Man, I loved dancing to that song in the day! It was just silly fun, but with a little bit o' sole.

Let's see... Yep, found it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yeNbJQ6naJs

(Wish me luck, it is my first try at BBCode.)

OK, the BBCode worked, but I meant soul, not sole.

(Came out a little fishy.)

The weddings I've been to have all had cheap bars.

Depends on the religion. Catholic weddings in my experience are just big parties with a bunch of people who are related to you, which is weird and fun, and there's usually a few young cousins getting drunk for the first time and makin' fools of themselves. Lord preserve you from Southern Baptist weddings though. I agree with pouf-Vlad up there that it's a weak factor of the modern Western condition that we feel embarrassed and bored by celebration, but there's also good reasons why this kind of ritual event has historically be associated with mind-altering substances. Dry-ass Southern Baptist weddings can go to hell.

Though I'm in Southern Baptist territory, I know very few of them, and have luckily never been to a wedding; though I've heard a few stories.

Catholic weddings are horrible. About twice as long as, say, a Methodist wedding. The receptions are often fun, if either Irish or Italian, as there's normally a lot of drinking.

A Catholic wedding is basically a Catholic mass with a bit at the end where two people kiss. It is horrible.

Well, I suppose that's true, the ceremony itself gets pretty painful, but somehow I never remember that part. I guess that a childhood of (quasi-)Catholicism trains you to go into a sorta trance mode once you hit the pew? I'm pretty sure I stop recording memories at the first "and-also-with-you."

Chubbied for bringing on back a flood of forgotten Sunday mornings waiting anxiously for donuts and mixed citrus drink.

Fluorescent, fluorescent mixed citrus drink.

Man, the Catholic Mass is the biggest scam ever. They force kids to sit and stand at periods through a two hour long ordeal with the promise of donuts and fluorescent mixed citrus drink at the end, and they expect us not to covet it and ignore the ceremony. And then we covet the drink and we're told that it's a sin, so then we have to show up next week on Saturday to confess to the same galdanged priest that gave the two hour long sermon in the first place, and you're all embarrassed, so you don't confess to him because he's hardly a neutral party, and instead make up something else like pushing Timmy into a puddle, or something, so now you've got coveting drink -|- lying to the clergy -|- pushing Timmy into a puddle, (because according to Catholic dogma, thinking it is as good as doing it, if only this were true to my love life) against you on your heavenly ledger. And then you have to go BACK to coveting mixed citrus drink tomorrow!

Basically what I'm saying is that Catholic Mass is engineered to send little boys to hell.

Daaamn!

I feel that now would be a good time to tell you my fluorescent mixed citrus drink and donuts were Presbyterian, and our shared church experiences end there. Thank you for the run-down of Catholicism, though. I have now made it one of my life goals to never confess to a priest.

2 hour mass? Holy shit. The ones I went to as a kid were generally 50-60 mins, and they were unbearable. I do remember trying desperately to come up with something to confess while waiting in line for my First Confession. Not that I had such an ego do think I hadn't done anything worth confessing over, I was just trying to pick something that made it sound like I did something wrong but it wasn't my fault was it was in Anger.

(Also, good to see "my" plus signs being used!)

Chubby for your soul. Is it ironic or something that I'm out of chubbies?

On the subject of long and bizarre religious services, I went to a Masonic Temple today. A choir I'm in got a gig to sing at a ceremony thing they were doing. I guess it was sort of a Masonic version of a Palm Sunday/Passover/Easter deal? I'm not sure. They had a sort-of communion, and there was a cross, and a guy who preached. A lot of the ceremony seemed to be in some kind of code, though. And the Temple itself was creepy. Imagine a small, dimly lit room; the walls were covered with all kinds of eldritch symbology, and they had gargoyles that make the Winged Monkeys seem tame. Seriously, the place was scary.

No guilt quite like Catholic guilt - except maybe Jewish guilt.

i've had an idea for a drink called a '3 Mile Island Iced Tea' where you mix together some sort of yellow glowy mixed with tea or maybe lemonade (with such as a pineapple hangin' out on the glass rim) and a green-glowing mixture so it looks all movie-studio radioactive and whatnot. oh and they are kept separated with different consistencies.
(c) me 07

anybody think anything like this could ever exist outside of a rave?

Could? Yes.

Should? No.

I'd sell 3 Mile Island Iced Tea. I think it has a good marketability. Contact me.

also a "Benedict Arnold".

it is just an alcoholic version of an Arnold Palmer.

all these great drinks i can't legally enjoy because i'm not of age yet. man what.

well..yeah!

This will be in every Denny's in the world in 4 months.

Denny's better be figuring to pay me hell of royalties.

Well... I don't know very much about layered drinks, but perhaps green and yellow Chartreuse are what you're looking for? However, I think the layering might get trickier if you want to incorporate actual iced tea / lemonade, since as I understand it density is the main thing as far as layered drinks go. Practically speaking, I say you can go with either the layered drink as a shooter, or a more Long Island Iced Tea-esque drink in either radioactive green or radioactive yellow.

Crap. I was going to suggest Chartreuse! Why can't Chartreuse go back to being obscure so I can mention it and sound knowledgeable!?

It sounds like a "hella yellin' at the sex" kind of drink.

I remember when my mom got remarried. She had a Southern Baptist wedding. The best part was my brother as the Ringbearer: he started juggling the boxes in the middle of the ceremony, and rather poorly. There was an incident with a stray fly on the preacher's (read: my uncle) face. Otherwise, so boring I think my heart died a little.

Man, look how I gave everyone an excuse to talk about their wedding experiences. I guess my friends and I just aren't the marryin' types. Also my branch of the family is kind of on the outs with the rest of the bloodline so that probably helps.

The song is "Can't Help Falling in Love," never interpreted better than by Beef with his chair. Big style points for the whole process from checking the balance to tipping the DJ.

This version, she is also very fun.

Or maybe this one will work. Search for "Lick the Tins" dammit.

Would that all weddings were like this

Somewhere Wallace Shawn is neck-deep in cleavage
And I am beating up my brother with a folding chair

Keep on rockin' Roast Beef

What comment is this comment in reference to, and what does Wallace Shawn have to do with anything. Is this a reference to a movie he was in, or a play of his. I must know this.

There should have been a question mark after that second sentence.

I got the exact line wrong, but this is it.

Shit, and I even conflated two unrelated strips. Man, I was really off my game when I posted that comic. Crap, dude.

Naw man they were both good comics. I dug your post. I dug it indeed.

That is a beat-down from circumstances.

i always thought it was spelled "cached". i have no idea why.

Not the most hilarious Achewood ever, but emotionally resonant. I didn't expect it could ever happen, but Achewood's really becoming a pretty effective love story. I just wonder how Onstad will handle the first marital tiff. Upon reconsidering, the end of the strip with Showbiz lying in the spotlight as the final line of fools rush in is sung is a pretty masterful stroke.

Listen man, I think we have something going on. I think there needs to be a resolution here.

Man I'm sorry but I don't really think you should be getting all up in someone's fries just cos they have one of the default avatars on this. Maybe it's time you made the change, straw?

(P.S; I know it's said in jest dogg but I for one think it's not necessary to do it every time)

Even said in jest, as I had said mine, I dig. It's just I feel particular to my damnd llama, and folk who have come and gone went away from the llama. Far be it from me to say what they choose! But what I mean is the OPs, that is to say myself and mr_pete, we have understandings. Though I am weird about speaking for my llama friend, I feel we're hapy to accept more llamas to the the fray; all I want is a bit of conversation. I'd like to get to know the new guy! After all, I did receive this icon randomly. I got no claim, but I do got precedent.

Ny point is: Hey, a-halter, what's going on?

Idea: get a different llama. Or gif yourself out with a psychedelic colour-changing llama.

Coming up next time on Pimp My Av...

[IMGS OFF]

A very Merry Christmas to you, Mr. Straw.

Straw and a-halter, come and claim your prize! (Seriously, rostov, you and dovey did some damn fine work. Damn fine llamas there.)

That is just brilliant, but I'm going to stick with my original llama. It's grown too dear. But please accept this chubby as a sign of your awesomeness.

I'M ON IT

[IMGS OFF]

OH WHAT

Rostov, we throwin' down

Rostov's offering is far safer for epileptics and any decent people. Probably because he's a doctor.

Despite my own avatar, I can honestly say that I'm an epileptic and both dovey's and doc_rostov's contributions are just fine, convulsion wise. I've also got a pretty heavy dosage, though, and maybe I've built up a resistance? Can you build up a resistance to psychadelic .gifs?

I can. But I can quit any time I want.

hahaha, man, virtual chubby right here.

DON'T YOU SEE THIS ALL ENDED JUST HOW I PLANNED

Dr. Skradley, I like the way you think.

Would you like to start a Practice?

It depends on what you specialise in. I have standards.

Rumours abound as to what my doctorate is actually in, but I simply must know yours.

My doctorate is in Nephrology, though my bachelors is in Sleeping With Your Wife. My formative years were tops.

And yours?

OH HE IS YOUR MOM AND HE JUST TOOK YOU TO SCHOOL IN THE CAR OF PAIN.

SAY IT.

*HE IS IN YOUR MOM

i...i'm sorry...that was uncalled for.

If you do that again, I will take you back to that Taco Bell and order you ANOTHER Supreme Gordita. And then write a story about it.

you wouldn't!! =O

I truly do not want to know what Dr. Manflesh's specialty is. Unfortunately, I have a feeling that I already know the answer, and it is proctology.

Nothing so pedestrian, please. He has a doctorate in sticking man-things into man-places you could not man-imagine.

My friend, I beg you. Do not start this fight. For I will school you in a school so old we still use cricket bats for Discipline.

And those hurt.

Oh hee hee!

Hee hee hee!

(that is me laughing at your pitiful threats. Bring it, old man. Bring it with sauce on top.)

CUIDADO!

did you just call FIRST on a default avatar?

John Cazale would have made a pretty perfect showbiz, damn shame.

i am of the opinion that ray lyle etc would not let showbiz get to the vows... its their boy's wedding aint no fuck up brother shitting on it family or not

So he's going for a traditional Greek wedding, then?

some no mai, tsukishiro
first dance, white moon

You got your Bleach in my Achewater!

haha

Heh, what?

Hey, how long has it been since there were five strips in one week? And this, in a week when Onstad was traveling with a crippled laptop.

There weren't five strips this week. There was no Wednesday strip.

In fact going back a few months in the archives it would appear that the default has actually become four strips per week.

Oops. I guess it just seemed like there was a Wednesday strip, since Tuesday's came so late.

We're being scammed!

dude, you got a space moose avatar too.

We shoud party.

The dude is not just saying these things; he will actually do this.

dudes never do what they say.

Balls Mahoney is going to be the celebrant.

Oh dude, major virtual chubbies

I am so glad somebody got that. I figured mentioning Mankind was too lowbrow for a wrestling nerd like I, mentioning Lobo from CZW or somebody from Big Japan (not that I know many, if any) would be too obscure, but vintage ECW would be just obscure enough. Acheworld isn't much of a wrestling aficionado-type joint, rare company excluded.

On the other hand wrestling is must-watch for twelve-year-old boys the world over. At my house we actually had Wrestlemania parties three years running.

We took it further. I don't know if I'm proud of this or not, but we were backyard wrestlers. The Lesser Outdoor Fight. Let me tell you a tale...

Amongst my friends - when 16-18, mind you - we had parties about wrestling, for sure. But for no reason. We just organised weekends to sit and watch the best wrestling we had (we'd each bring our offerings), play wrestling games on either Playstation (PS1!) or N64, eat gratuitous amounts of pizza and Pepsi, and then, to finish it off, we'd go into the backyard and wrestle.

But we were surprisingly intellectual about it. We didn't just beat the crap out of each other - we'd work together and put on an actual show. For all intents and purposes, we may as well have been pros. Minus the money, of course.

Slowly, these "Wrestlefests" became more and more about the actual wrestling we'd do, until we were officially Backyard Wrestlers. Videoing it and everything. We were so cool. Why nobody else thought we were cool was beyond us.

We thought we sucked at it, of course, until two events: 1. We had a cross-promotion with some guys from upstate. They also thought they were awesome. They weren't. They brought some supermarket trolleys, bits of styrofoam and a plastic baseball bat, and they thought they were hella hardcore.

When we came brandishing a kendo stick, a steel trash can, 5 tables, 2 folding chairs, a hockey stick, a six-pack of beer, a wooden baton, a nightstick, a roll of barbed wire (my personal offering), and a road barricade that we stole - I have never seen a group of people so genuinely afraid of me before in my life. They could tell we were in different leagues.

Plus, surprisingly, our technical ability was far better than theirs. I have an amateur wrestling background, so I guess that accounts for a bit.

2. We looked on the internet. And damn - in comparison, we were actually pretty good. Because some people really suck.

So, with this knowledge - and a fistful of teenage bravado and adrenaline - we pushed our limits as far as we could. Each time, we'd see a boundary in our heads that we'd say "can't go past that, too dangerous" and the next event we would.

It started out with one table - and that tableshot was absolutely horrible. But I was scared. We hadn't gone there before.

Next, it was two tables. Then three. Then two, one fire, wrapped in barbed wire - I've still got scars from that one. Then it was more barbed wire - it was my signature, fire was my mates' one. Then more and more guys started joining us, and they didn't know what they were doing, getting hurt and hurting each other. Then there was more fire, until one kid got 3rd degree burns. Then there was the tube lights. So many tubelights. So much mercury poisoning.

At this point, I started to lose the love. It was costing a lot to buy all this stuff we were just gonna break anyway, and another guy was getting too controlling and pushing it too far - interestingly, he started to lose his mind around the same time as when he was inadvertantly inhaling massive amounts of mercury vapour from shattering tubelights. All in all, it was time to give it up.

I still have the tapes. They are a sad, happy, and whistful reminder of a different time. A time when you wonder how much was good; how much was bad; and really, at that time, how much was there a difference?

I'm curious as to how much respect I will lose from this revelation of my sordid youth.

All I know now is not to mess with The Chin. He be mercury addled with the crazies.

Heh. Thankfully, I was smart enough to avoid doing the tubelights thing. All the guys who did have gone on to lead...interesting, drugfucked lives. But I honestly think they would've anyway.

With the ellipsis in that I read it "have gone on to lead (as in Pb)" which is hilarious. You know, like they went from smashing fluorescent tubes in backyard wrestling productions to eating paint chips. Then I read the rest of it and got what you were actually saying. Er, what was it you were saying, again?

They're into heavy metal.

For the first time, I would very much like to give this comment both a chubby and a lame. I feel very strongly in both directions. I never thought this day would come.

I'm confused.

I'll admit - I wasn't really trying, in the way of structure. Looking at that post, it's a fucking shambles.

It was too long. I elected not to read it. I can neither chubby nor lame you.

You pretty much described my life aged 14-17 to an almost eerily accurate degree.

Except for all the crap with barbed wire and tubelights. You see, we had aspirations of legitimacy. Actually, three of the guys from my backyard wrestling fed now wrestle in a fairly largeish indie promotion here. One's the current champion.

Now I'm really curious if you're one of my friends from Louisville. Because you just described a few years in their life fairly accurately.

I can assure you with all my half-Australian accent that I am not.

Idiocy, it would seem, is universal.

We must see these tapes. There is no question about it. There can be no debate. We simply must see these tapes.

Hear hear! Documented evidence must be presented, because, as we all know, pics or it didnt happen lolz!

Well, I'm not saying I don't believe him. I just really want to see the tapes!

I hope so, so, so much that this is all true.

I choose to believe that it is true. It had better be true.

unrelated--

i bought something from the Achewood store the other day, which was my first-ever run-in with PayPal and i was curious if anybody else has ever been charged an extra dollar by PayPal after a transaction for any reason.

Indeed. It only happens on your first purchase, though. Service Charges or something of that nature. It's not The Man lookin in on your cookbook purchases or anything like that... I hope.

man you only buy that stuff in person and with cash. ain't no need to use the internet. too risky for my tastes.

(i do not make cookbook purchases.)

Killing someone is kind of like a wedding.
I'm over here.
You're over there.
I hit you with a chair.
And then I kiss the bride.

textual chubby, minarch. extra special textual chubby.

Does Showbiz even know that Beef is co-winner of the Great Outdoor Fight? He'll learn...

what makes me sad is that i don't know if i'm beef or showbiz. but if i ever get married i know for a fact someone will be brained with a chair.

Awesome; can I come to your wedding?

And risk getting chaired? No thank you.

i laugh at your comment.

chubby for you.

The be careful with the fucking guest list, for crissake.

Nothing like beating up your relatives to Johnny Mercer hits.

damn straight

The little view of the character's whole bodies in the last five panels reminds me of an old adventure game!

I just needed to point out that Showbiz comes to the wedding in a wifebeater and shorts not because he is low-class but because he spent the tux money to be kickin' the original Air Jordans. No British Knights here, no sir...

Damn, Roastbeef has wicked sack in this one!

Molly has Pulp Fiction-style Uma Thurman hair now.

More like AcheWEIRD!

Am I right? Am I right?

I love how in panels 7-11, Showbiz just stands there drinking, despite what he knew the consequences would be. The cat has already been smacked during the ceremony, yet he refuses to give in. Say what you want about Showbiz: that is a cat dedicated to his craft (the craft is being a dickwad).

Disagree. Either he still doesn't believe Beef will follow through, or he's just to blitzed to remember. There is nothing admirable 'bout the "Biz".

God I am so proud of Beef.

Around now, Showbiz is regretting getting ahold of Beef right after Beef's bad trip to Disneyland.

Folding chairs. 24/7.

I'm a little surprised the Beef even told Showbiz about the wedding at all. Are there really people like Showbiz?

Ohhhhhh yes. Yes, there are.

Exhibit A: the ex.

Crawling up the woodwork, chief. Any and every guy in a Molly Hatchet or .38
Special shirt, for a start.

My friend's brother is a Showbiz, right down to driving his brother crazy. Though, instead of a Rockford Fosgate addiction, he just has your run-of-the-mill crack/coke/h addictions. That reminds me, I still have to give him back that porno he made me borrow from him.

He MADE you borrow a porno?

That's how I like to see it. He brought it over to watch at a party at our place, who knows why, and after we FFW'd through most of it just to placate him, he basically gave it to me as a gift. I still like to think that he just loaned it to me, for obvious reasons. Not that I'm necessarily some prude against porn, but the idea of "owning" porn just seems foreign to me.

Ultimately, I just don't want to upset the guy, as he owns a rifle and, while showing it to me once, told me how he's "not psycho or anything, but I really want to just shoot someone, from like 300 yards out...and I could do it man, no problem." Once the universe has had you meet this guy, it's best to just stay on his good side, I figure.

One more story, just for the road: I sold this guy my old car, and he eventually sold it a year later for crack money.

he sounds like Showbiz and some bits of Todd (crack) and Nice Pete (the gun.)

Nice Pete would not use a gun. He would use a pizzacutter.

THESE KNIVES!!

I wouldn't be too worried, at 300 yards, a twitchy crack monkey isn't going to hit anything that isn't the sky or ground, and he would have sold any rifle capable of doing that for crack money anyway.

Yes. My oldest stepdaughter is 90% Showbiz. She's just not an alkie yet. But she is "totally take, never give".

They're the same song.

DiSaGreEmEnT bOx.

Elvis Presley's "Can't Help Falling in Love" is often mistakenly given the title "Fools Rush In." This seems to clearly be the case in this comic.

Friend, your last statement is true as far as it goes. But from the appropriate Wikipedia article:

Quote:

"Fools Rush In" (1940) is a popular song written by Johnny Mercer, who wrote the lyrics, and Rube Bloom, who wrote the music.

The song has been recorded by many artists, most notably Frank Sinatra who recorded it twice in the 1940s and again in 1960 for his album Nice 'n Easy, which reached number one on the Billboard album charts. Ricky Nelson recorded a more rocking version that reached #12 on the singles chart in 1963.

Elvis Presley recorded a version in 1972 (not to be confused with Elvis' 1961 song "Can't Help Falling in Love," which also features the lyric "Fools Rush In").

No link today because I am cross with Assetbar. I know it's Wikipedia, but I feel guite sure the information is accurate, as it matches several other sources.

That would explain the confusion.

All I know is that I once saw some stupid love songs compilation at Hallmark that had "Can't Help Falling in Love" on it but called it "Fools Rush In."

Ray needs to send some men to create a death relationship with Showbiz.

Showbiz can't help being what he is. It's silly to think he needs to die for being so Rokken.

I really enjoy this. The timing, the layout.. it brings joy to my heart.

its upsetting that this practically happened at my mother's wedding.

But...but that's "Can't Help Falling In Love." "Fools Rush In" goes "fools rush in / where wise men never go / but wise men never fall in love / but how are they to know?"

Oh, it's kind of been discussed already. K. My bad.

Thats why they call him showbiz.

Five dollars is a decent tip. He's good people, Beef is.

I'm impressed Roast Beef can whack Showbiz a second time and then tip the DJ and leave in the space between the last two lyrics. Or maybe the slam is the sound of the bill loudly hitting the DJs table

If I could give this strip a 10/5 I would. This is one of those strips that starts out epic, then becomes amazing, then becomes more amazing, and then you get to the last five panels... the strip was a 5 by panel six.

anyone else notice that martin scorsese is the preacher?

I would vote 5 on this strip a million times. A million million times.

Showbiz has already tried calling Ray - Roast Beef is his last resort.

I used to play bass for Mexican Brain Detergent.

My friend Josh played bass for Mexican Jumping Fetus.

Is that priest Martin Scorsese?

ah, someone else also spotted that!

prediction: Beef's Wedding will be Achewood's final story arc.

Prediction: No.

I love how Roast Beef not only pulls back for the strike, but does a wind-up to get the inertia going for his folding chair strike. His chair-fu is massive.

Beef has been taking his wedding behavior clues from someone we haven't seen in a while:

[IMGS OFF]

It's a nice day for a white wedding

It's a nice day to START AGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIINN WOWOW!!

"mexican brain detergent". lol. i don't think any liquor provokes so many scandalous metaphors as tequilla. and not without cause.

Man, at first the off-topic comments were amusing, but if they're like 95% of all comments that's just bullshit.

Go go, beef! Smack some sense into him! You know you are a damn clear motherfucker.

Heaven forbid the posters here have any kind of interpersonal chemistry that is able to transcend a comic strip.

Nevermind that that very interpersonal chemistry is derived from and potentially a direct result of the users' affinity to the comic. When you look at it that way, I would guess that >5% of comments are truly "off-topic."

Either it's too early and my brain's not up to speed yet, or you just agreed with the fellow by saying "greater than five percent".

It was my brain that made the fault. Sorry everyone!

I'm glad to see Beef's family is almost more dysfunctional than mine. That's a relief. Though if I ever get married, I would be beating my entire family with folding chairs, not just my mooch of a brother.

That bottom row is so Chris Ware. I swear this is an homage to that part in "Jimmy Corrigan" where that guy's father gets his head cut off, and the guy has to crush his father's head with a rock. The tiny figures, the subdued sound effects, EVERYTHING.

I love that song... even more now.

There are at least three weddings where this should have happened to me. I am hoping to fix the ratio in the future.

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