Granted the publican is digital, the finch is digital... and Cornelius is a wee bit unsane.

Is your avatar a shark's jaws or an endoscope view of a human larynx?

[IMGS OFF]

Also, the poison must be fairly heat stable. Any ideas as to what a finch would use to poison a pizza?

Probably some bad suet. Hot pepper mix, I'm guessing.

This has been one of my favorite arcs to date.

I foresee a "Strangers on a Train"-type scenario where Cornelius is pressured against his will to kill the publican after Mr. Teal electrocutes Pat, exacting Cornelius' hastily-worded revenge for his brutal and senseless shooting of Cornelius those many years ago.

I'm looking for more of a "Throw Mama from the Train" with yelling and hilarious antics! "OWEN! YOU STUPID POOP!"

I love this slightly sinister side of Cornelius, it reminds me of a Heinleinian (?) or Poeic (?) hero, who feels compelled to murder the rude and boorish out of concern for the delicate nature of ladies who are present.

Perhaps this arc will reveal how Cornelius came to be detained at Her Majesty's Pleasure. Although, my personal view is that Cornelius is perpetually in his late sixties/early seventies, from Interwar-Period-Britain (Given his age during what I assume was his studies abroad, and as such, would have been detained at His Majesty's Pleasure.

So, what you're saying is that Cornelius is ~65 in the same way that Phillipe is 5?

Exactly. I mean, he is a teddy bear, after all. Even if he was sewn prior to the "teddy" prefix, he would most likely accept the term due to social communicative convenience. The man moves with the times a bit, after all - but his morality is old-school and solid as the motherfucking Rock of Gibraltar.

This now makes So. Much. Sense.

I appreciate learning new knowledge about this fictional universe.

That is my understanding anyway. This then creates a dilemma, in that if Connie is permanently 65, and Phillipe is permanently 5, (as opposed to Beef and Ray, who, being cats, were at one point younger, as we have seen in strips) then they were created that age, and were not "born" as such. This then begs he question, how is Phillipe's mother his mother? How was Connie visiting Achewood U in 1902? What of Iris Gambol?

Created with false memories, ala Blade Runner or BioShock, mayhaps? Cornelius being created as a younger bear, and natural wear-and-tear has aged his physical form, and thus, his personality? I had a bad egg sandwhich and chocolate milk for breakfast and have put too much fractured, chocolatey thought into this? All are distinct possibilities.

The implications are staggering. I had honestly forgotten Cornelius et al were stuffed animals in my mental deliberations about their aging. Well said, linning.

i guess if i was gonna be a cock to hygraed i probably should have been a bit more clever about it.

1 person out of 30 got it, anyway

I got it, but it was worth neither a lame nor a chubby in my eye.

Same here. I started to think up a witty response/treatise on ironic use of the most annoying aspects of a meta-society, but I really couldn't be arsed.

I think it was mainly a knee-jerk reaction to seeing the word "first", although possibly everyone totally understood the point I was making and thought it was completely lame.
Also: I'm glad people do not agree that I am a douche.

I have inadvertantly discovered a psycho-social cheat code in Assetbar to get chubbies and avoid lames!

Basically, make whatever statement you want, and then at the end of your post subtly make the reader feel guilty if they lame you! Of course, it's still in the trial period, it can't be guaranteed to work, and you have to give up a fair chunk of your self-respect if you do it deliberately to garner chubbies, but if that's your thing, go for it!

Oh, and now people know about it, so it probably won't work!

I know I'll probably get lamed as all hell for this, but whatever.

The last sentence was both an example of the trend as well as the truth. It's complicated.


NOTE: I've never done this deliberately, myself. But I have been known to do it because it was a true statement at the time, only realising afterward its unexpected effect.

Use with caution - the tables may turn.

To add to your list of cheat codes, apparently yelling at people for chubbying you also works wonders.

Dammit! I want to lame you to prove you wrong...but that last line....it's seeping into my skull!

SEEPING!

Fabulously done, and I see you wisely did not specify whose leukemia was causing you angst.

It is plainly the Leukemia, in total, like you would say "It's the Plague talking."

thank you for telling it like it is

Ewwwwwww

Iiiiinteresting. What's the spread between that, and, say, complaining that Achewood isn't as good as it used to be?

Nonsensical stuff's quicker to type, of course, I'm just thinking long-term.

rectovaginal fistula. we just studied this in school

Dear lord, where do you go to school?!

Metropolitan Sex College 9?

I gave you a chubby for that, and then I had to stop and think about what that said about me as a man.

VAGINA DENTATA!

Is that kinda like poop snatch?

Actually to not get lamed, you just have to not be lame.

IRONY?

The denizens of assetbar have voted strongly against irony - see above.

Testify!

I love the way that Cornelius checks over his shoulder in frame 10.

I think Nice Pete is more into the pain and blood part of murder. Passively killing someone just doesn't seem his style.

That was almost as funny as this awesome strip

And when you're handsome, the ladies give stuff too you as well.

I triple checked this to make sure there were no spelling errors. Oh how I would have loved to be the one to catch a spelling error!

Then it would have been ironic and he would have acquired so many chubbies that if they were laid end to end they would span French Indochina.

And one of those chubbies would have been from me.

Can you spell "pecker"?

Ladies appreciate impeccable peckers.

Oh Lordy, spare me those awful peckers!

that is a good thing to offer a lady. this lady appreciates impeccable spelling.

miku224 has an awesome avatar pass it on

People realize this, which is how he got 246 chubbies (as of this posting) for three comments that would have garnered a grand total of 0 chubbies if posted by anyone else.

Wha?

Had a momenet, looked up Lychrel numbers, and 196 is only suspected as being one, since the actual proof awaits proving. Very amusing, and apparently useless number property here. Very good!

virtual chubby for making me read about the hunt for lychrel numbers. definitely the most silly, pointless, fascinating thing i have read all day.

Good observation. However, I submit to you that the funniest number is actually 69, not 420.

55378008 takes up all the space on the calculator display but is less satisfying as an image

I quickly interpreted this as "boobles" which, to me, was ever awesomer that it's true meaning.

True meaning?

"boobies?"

as opposed to "boobLes."

Which is what I thought it said.

Wasn't it supposed to be "boobless"?

Naw, I don't think so?

Tekende wrote "5318008" where the 1 = I.
So that's "boobies."

Then JBushnell wrote "55378008" where 7 = L.
That's "boobless."

I'm putting way too much time and energy into this.

I misread this as "the LARGEST number" which actually was way funnier, as if you'd just arbitrarily picked some somewhat large number and declared it the largest.

The largest number is 4

Alright kudos for also directing me to intriguing and pointless research for fifteen minutes, but I can't let your assertion that 196 is a Lychrel number just slide now that I know what the hell it is. Curse you, lexsenthur, for leading me to math websites which have informed me that every base 10 Lychrel number is, in fact, just a candidate. Curse you.

But you have to admit that testing it out to 300 million digits makes it a pretty damn good candidate. It's one of those things that can never be proven, as absolute proof would require the set of positive integers to be finite, thereby giving a stopping point at which you could prove whether or not a given number is a true lychrel number. As there are infinitely many positive integers, there are also infinitely many palindromic positive integers, and since, assuming no technological, we can perform the test iteration an infinite number of times, it is highly unlikely that any true lychrel number, able to be proven beyond simple candidacy, actually exists. Infinity is tricky like that.

In conclusion, if an infinite number of rednecks had an infinite number of pickup trucks, and each one had a shotgun with infinite amount of ammunition and an infinite number of road signs to fire at, they would eventually write the complete works of Shakespeare in Braille.

assuming no technological limits

Quote:
I know some guys. Let me know.

I grew up in a town full of these kind of guys, granted there are only around 4000, not infinity, but I think I can make it happen.

I have to level with you: swell though you are, I'm chubbying you mostly for the satisfaction of completely devaluing the whole chubby system.

You slide so good/With bones so fair/You've got the universe reclining in your hair

Look! The dinosaur is celebrating your tears with a dance!

miku224, I think this comment explains your recent windfall of chubbies.

I was thinking the same thing.

Shit dude. I mean...wow.

OH hell yes.

that is beautiful

Sinister stuff.

I'm glad Mr. teal got over that Asimov phase so quickly. so unbecoming

0. An assistant may void its own warranty should it result in the general betterment of his sleeping arrangements.
Mr. Teal is, quite clearly, the R. Daneel Olivaw of assistants (Also, I hope it is R. Daneel Olivaw)

It is close enough for me to have known that you were referencing Prelude to Foundation, and thus chubby you.

Oh dear. I regret that my overfriendly nature does not allow me to give you a chubby for this.

You know, I bet if you combined all the chubbies you've ever gotten, it would match the GDP of a small, formerly-soviet nation.

I'm just full of shit. That's all.

I...I don't think I want to imagine either of those...


(Okay, I admit the dung beetle thing was delightfully hilarious)

A chubby for you good sir. A chubby indeed.

That sounds a lot like this.

I find this delightful.
Utterly.
[i]delightful[i].


*ominous music*

[i]Fuck.[i]

Assetbar: 2
onepapertiger: 0

Oh god yes! The only way that could be any better is if that little paperclip found a way to murder everyone at AOL and left "This is for your shitty program!" carved in all of their heads. Yes, that would be neat.

I have a feeling Cornelius will regret this.

I loved it, but Beef's presence doesn't quite make sense.

If anyone has imagined the honey dystopia this rogue finch AI has in mind, Beef has.

Actually it's kind of scary to imagine an existence consisting of lazing about all day in some kind of Elysian field, with no occupation but the eating of honey and no concern for anything outside that scope.

I wonder if anyone's thought of this before...

Would the lazing people, perhaps, be supported by a subterranean lower class? The lower class would, in turn be supported by eating the upper class?

And the whole thing would be written by H.G. Wells?

No, nobody has thought of it before.

I was hoping to reference the Lotus Eaters but I fuxxed on my literary allusion

I was hoping to comment on the whole honey thread, seeing as my avatar is a bee, but we can't always get what we want, can we tommy? Sometimes we are too busy
living life to comment on web comic message boards.

Quote:

too busy! busy like a bee!

I also note that you let yourself slip into the collective voice of the hive-mind! We, indeed.

frankly you're just fuxxed in general fuxxing fuxxor fuck XD

Beef went totally stone cold on the Comic Sans guy. Also, that dude he ran over next to the G.O.F. sausage stand. The guy can surprise.

I agree that Beef is a bit out of place, but the choice had a couple things going for it-

1) Beef wasn't too hot for the SBe3 when it arrived, and we know how he feels about Apples...

2) As I was trying to find heads to put on them, the thought of putting anyone else on Michael Bolton seemed inadequate...

...No way. Why should I change? He's the one who sucks!

Actually, Beef was the one to [http://m.assetbar.com/achewood/one_strip?b=M%5ea11f09b8576e606bcb5038dfdb92fb821&u=http%3A%2F%2Fachewood.com%2Fcomic.php%3Fdate%3D04012008]pick[/url] the computer for Cornelius in the first place, and he has not been seen since its arrival to share his opinion.

Darn BBcode

True, but it seemed he was having second thoughts as he noted it's heft and odor...

Or, maybe he was just being short with Cornelius for being so whimsical about the delivery as he stood there bearing it's weight...

...or maybe I just made a silly cartoon mashup in the 15 minutes I had before I left for work, and I should really stop pontificating about my thought process...

[agreed]

I believe you were confusing Beef with Teodor...

sonofaBITCH! You're absolutely right! I completely confused myself!
I v-lame MYSELF for this ridiculous error!
For fucks SAKE I'm not THAT new!!

sorry acheworld... *sniff*

Beef is loath to miss out on a curb-stomping oppurtunity, is all.

That is awesome. Too bad I lost my erection or I would give you a chubby.

That is awesome. Too bad I lost my erection or I would give you a chubby.

You seem to have trouble with that, I see.

he lost it so bad he did it twice. (or did not do it twice, as the case may be.)

I can't help it if I have EDED! I'm taking the medy-sin garbummit! >:B

Damn it feels good to be a gangsta.

This too has worried me. I wonder if Mr. Teal is setting Mr. Bear up in revenge for his lax attitude towards honey.

The start of one hell of an arc, maybe?

V-Chub

Murder by poison? Even as an accessory to the act, the poisoner and the Bona-fide Old-School Badass are mutually exclusive. For shame Cornelius

It is an extreme tradition indeed, but inappropriate for reasons beyond your comprehension. You do not poison publicans; a culling method as Olde as poison is reserved for the likes of Socrates and King Claudius

Medieval barmaids that sold bad (and therefore highly toxic) ale were bedamned and carried off to hell in woodcuts. Technically, Keith is a professional poisoner himself. particularly if he works for one of those super-breweries. I can't rememember the name of the worst; one of those faux-folksy names...

My own brother! HOW COULD YOU! I denounce you. I know thee not.

Cornelius HAS done time. Perhaps he has a history of assassinating irritating electronic corporate avatars?

Once again, Connie's eyebrows speak volumes.

Panel 10 eyebrows = fantastic

Oh man you mentioned the movie but not the book? You gonna get lamed, son.

Obviously, neither did I read the book. Nor was I aware of its existence until now. I'll keep an eye for it. Anyone knows where is it published in spanish?

I am out of chubbies. I'm sorry.

Luckily, I am not. And here's one for you, too. Has anyone ever told you that dancing dinosaur is wonderful? We should hang out!

I have heard whispers to that effect.

The .. the most perfect thing to say, ever!

most

See? I don't really understand this comment, but I just can't shake the feeling that I got dissed. I was taken to school in the bus of pain if you so will.
Somehow.

Oi'm not havin' any bleeding kraut innna room wi'me. We didn't foight the Battle of Britain so's I'd havta share a cell wiv da loikes of 'im.

Not you, Keith; you're dead.

My friends and I used to intone this incessantly during high school. Thanks for the nostalgia.

RIP, Hartman. RIP.

*CHUBBY!*
I had forgotten the rest of this statement, and I would only repeat the "waking up with a size seven poop chute" part--Bless you sir, for bringing this back into my life!

NOW WITH SOUND!

Shit. It's on now, Assetbar!

As a fellow bird with a penchant for honey, it takes a wee bit longer to earn our trust back after such a misstep as Cornelius's.

tee hee

LOL. I had always thought your avatar was this mutated skull thingy with a mutated nose and no jaw :D Now I see it though.

You asked for that lame; nay, begged for it on bended knee in sackcloth and ashes.

I enjoyed it.

HE KNEW. He knew, and yet he didn't 'finch'.


(flinch)

lachrymose indeed....

Old females such as the one who lamed this clearly have no appreciation for puns.

What a silly punt.

Well that's just your... o[b]pun[/i]ion

Oh God what

The most famous rapier wit master was alive in the late days of the Roman Empire. I speak of no less than Attila the Pun himself. He lead hordes of witty warriors against the worn-out Wo-mans and did indeed ungarter many pantaloons in his pursuit of the perfect princess for his Punnic Empire. Sadly with his death, the Puns soon became nothing more than a misbegotten tribe.

After the Catalaunian Fields however, not all the Puns went back East with Attila. Some travelled north, until they came to the Isle of Britain, and settled there. Their descendants can sometimes be seen to this day, dashing cavaliers in sports cars and scarfs, their wild, odd looking teeth not inhibiting their ability to drop the equivalent of a wit H-Bomb.

The Boffin may be a red herring.

Cornelius is steeled in his resolve. He confirms the plans with the computer bird in italics.

He whisper-types

Lord knows how Mr Teal plans to achieve all this, having only a tiny beak and thin, hollow wing bones... Then again I suppose he is a 'Cyber-Finch'.

Mr. Teal has been sent from the future to destroy the publican before he fathers the leader of the resistance against Passerine-Net; a cyber-finch bent on the subjugation and destruction of mankind. Little does anyone know, the boffin is the publicans son...

He also has some laser-guided things and he gets just crazy when you touch them.

Cornelius and Mr. Teal plot murder. I'm starting to get the feeling that they should call Nice Pete in on this one, though. While I'm certain they're both intelligent folk, it is always best to consult an expert.

V-Chub.

Oh I want that button.

What happens when you hold down Shift and press it?

That's the antidote.
---------
Loving this arc. I consider it a good comeback after that whole "prostitute" thing (were those strips supposed to be referencing something?).

Mr Bear should proceed with caution. Can you really trust someone who goes that psycho about honey?

Same as pressing it normally. However, if you hold Control, it poisons the whole person instead of just the one bit.

And Ctrl-Alt-Poison To Death to terminate an entire continent.

That was excellent.

It's people like YOU that are the reason the rest of the world hates America.

Well, a foreign policy decided on when %u2018alienation%u2019 was the dictionary.com Word of the Day might have something to do with it, but it%u2019s mostly you.

Man, MS word is supposed to help me with stuff like this.

I HATE days like today.

Did you consult the paper clip?

If the world relied on MS Word Diplomacycheck, we'd already be extinct.

Very good, sir! Very good. This comment is a metaphor for a chubby.

maybe not Incredible Death.

on some platforms, if you hold down your shift key for ten seconds, it has a similar effect...

Don't you dare get Cornelius in trouble Mr. Teal! Don't you bloody well dare!!! *shakes fist*

v-Chubba-chub-chub.

No! the Moral is that anti-racists are murderers - I think...

He microwaves TESCO pizza in his shirt: all bristly legs showin'; all stained tie down the bloated front and hairy ass just peeping down. And in sock, I'll wager.

Poision is too good; it leaves a body behind. Let's freeze-dry his corpse and reduce it to granules to be scattered over Beechey Head.

Word to your antiquated capitalisation.

Well, yeah, he wears socks around the house at least. There's feathers and bird shit all over the floors.

Right. This arc just hit its zenith. Time to give this one a 5. Cornelius planning murder with an electronic honey-addicted bird, ridding us of a virtual BNP pulican called Keith who microwaves in his underpants.

Now that, my friends, is genius.

Oh Mr. Teal I do hope you are not trying to make a patsy out of Mr. Bear. There will be Consequences for such a mistake.

Ray will make it all go away.

Is he paying attention, though?

Ray, unlike other other Acheworld inhabitants pays attention, will this attention result in relationships... death relationships? More at 10!

That would look awfully like a mound of dirt in the rough shape of a coffin.

No one will ever think that it is a paperclip.

hella vchubbed

IT'S A TRAP CORNELIUS!

But that is bullshit that making changes to the software would void the hardware warranty.

This is down way to far to get the chubbies it deserves, take one from me.

I continue to hoard for situations such as these.

V-Chubb!!

Connie is an old bean who still gets into-his-mischiefs. Delightful!

http://achewood.com/index.php?date=06142006

Your avatar is heck of scary :S.

I like your icon *so much*. It almost makes me want to reconsider my long-time policy of laming anyone who calls our beloved author "'Stad."

Almost.

Amen. I hate it when people refer to the Onstmeister using incorrect terms. It's disrespectful to His Stadliness, is what it is.

Oh me oh my, meta-chub for "His Stadliness"

When I get as tippled on whiskey as I was when I posted this, I seem to attract retribution, no matter what I'm doing. I ought to have that tattooed on my arm by now.

Anyone tickled by the stick figures' plight is sure to enjoy the short film where they originated.

Tuesday's coming up; did you bring your coat?

"Don't worry your pretty little head about that"... apparently Cornelius has become Ingrid Bergman. Except computers tend to do the thinking for ALL of us.

Man, Keith thought everything was cool. Now suddenly he's eating poison pizza, and being thrown into a dumpster behind Denny's.
The life of a publican is bittersweet.

I'm slightly confused by Mr. Teal's use of the word "shirtfront" in panel 7. In my understanding, a shirtfront is a starched insert that simulates the front of a shirt (used if you're wearing a sweater or a vest or something). In previous comics, however, Keith is shown wearing a normal shirt.

Am I unfamiliar with this use of the word, or is [ironic]'Stad[/ironic] just throwing in British-sounding terminology?

i was curious as to what purpose if served for the pizza to be microwaved in keith's shirtfront and tie. i suspect this to be another odious manifestation of his vile personality.

pretty sure teal meant that keith microwaved it while wearing only his shirtfront and tie..

Can I get a shoutout for my homeys, the Dangling Participles??

YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE REALLY GETS ON MY BALLS? DAMN ASYLUM-SEEKING FINCHES AND THEIR FUGGIN' MURDERIN', EATIN' THEIR FUGGIN' FISH, SHITTIN' ON MA FUGGIN' TROUSERS! 'ANGINGS TOO GOOD FER EM, THATS WHA' I SAY!

Also, that's the most use my caps-lock key has seen in a long time. I thought the poor guy needed some exercise.

OH lawdy, my name is Keith, and I am a publican!

WHAT HAS MR. TEAL DONE

Dun-dun-dunnnn!

Hmm I dunno... I a little raping might just be the thing to liven our monarchy up!

I had a dream last night that I made an innocuous comment here and got 289 lames. It was a bad dream.

chubby because i feel bad - i was one of the people that lamed you last night.

Get out of my dreams (and into my car)!

Virtual chubby.

Awww.

...or was it?

Seriously, how awesome would it be if you came back and this comment had 289 lames? Probably not gonna happen though.

I'd be pissed! The dream comment also got 7 chubbies, but I don't think that's going to happen either.

I just looked at who lamed me because I thought it was you trying to make my dream come true, which would be hilarious. But it was just an old female. Alas.

I had a dream where my comment got 10 chubbies... and people sent me money.

...

{waits...}

You're going to transcribe all that and NOT have Mr. Teal sing a slowly degenerating version of "Daisy Bell?" WTF man

Damn you for beating me to it by two hours.

*stands in a bucket of water*

V-chub!

Chubbied for Emily Postal. It is a phrase I'll endeavor to use from now on.

Today was the first time I really looked at the picture of Mr Teal. He looked so frowny, serious... cold? I had to go back and see if his expression had changed from previous strips.

Seriously, birds are pretty but are also sort of creepy.

Little black button eyes. Eyes like shallow, muddy pools. Quick flicker-moves like a lizard.

Man, fuck you A Bug's Life.

You take that back right now.

I will not, sir.

I think those movies must be better when you see them partly through the eyes of your kids.

A good reason to remain childless, for sure.

Oh dude, high five for that one!

Unless you, like irondave, use your children's young, healthy eyes as transplants for your old and failing ones.

Triple hi-five, with all of us jumping into the air at the same time and a freeze-frame.

Can there be a little explosion graphic where our hands meet?

Oh, damn yes.

oh damn yes?

The theme to "Perfect Strangers" playing in the background.

Kurt Russell all a crumpled bloody mess beneath you

Keith the publican lying beside him, having used his last breath to lay a tender kiss on Kurt's lips, then losing his last drop of strength...

I wanted to chubby this entire conversation but knew that I couldn't and so I chose yours - which made the reference to Death Proof clear and real - my Representative. Congratulations.

Antz was, in my opinion, the superior CGI insect film.

Naw, maybe it was because I watched it when it first came out as a kid, but I think a bugs life is better.
.......in my opinion....cough

However, Fucking Nemo was relatively delightful.

It's the feet that get me. Sinister scaly feet with pointy little claws. You can tell those motherfuckers evolved from dinosaurs by their feet, and it's unsettling.

They don't just wait. They develop killer biological weapons to wipe us out . . . like flus

I think you've made the comparison of eyes to small bodies of mudded water before. You, my friend, are slipping.

I must say that for anyone willing to put aside their preconceptions about the absolute merits of animated and/or family-oriented films you will be hard pressed to find a film as entertaining and satisfying as The Incredibles. It also has some rather menacing electronic birds as sentries, but perhaps I'm laboring the point.

I. Love. That. Movie.

All is forgiven!

Same here. Huuuuugs!

That wouldn't help one little bit. Knowing the murderous intent that lurks behind Mr Teal's eyes casts a shadow over scenes that previously seemed innocent and carefree.

While he has yet to murder Keith, he has already murdered our innocence.

Mr. Teal giggles to himself when he is offscreen. A nasty, snuffling sort of giggle.

I am tired of people telling me how to vote. Seriously, I'll vote however I want to. Your opinion on this strip is not the final end-all opinion.

I'm really enjoying this new side of Cornelius. I appreciated what Onstad was trying to do with those "Badass" games, but this situation fits Cornelius' character better.

Somewhere, a person with an overactive imagination is now writing slash fanfic between an electronic finch and a stuffed bear.

I have commented on assetbar just to inform you all of this sure fact.

I brace for lames, but my work here is done.

And by "a person with an overactive imagination" you mean Manflesh?

*spent.

best. avatar. ever.

I was getting a whiff of "test of character" for this arc, similar to cartilage head.

This strip will end with Mr. Teal singing a song that his programmer taught him as he dies slowly and Cornelius flying out into space tripping hard balls and seeing the star child, then waking in a white room where he is present both as an infant and old man.

only if we're lucky

Moreover, will he prove himself man enough to hide a body when the time comes?

(...for a given value of 'body'.)

This rules. Expand this into an O'Reilly-length tutorial where a scheming finch teaches you computer basics by way of plotting murder and treachery. More or less like Why's Poignant Guide to Ruby.

This is the post that causes me to jump on the virtual chubby bandwagon. You, sir, deserve a chubby, but all I have to give you is a v-chub

are yuo a fucking sharpener? Answer me, are you a fucking sharpener?

i love how cornelius' last line is in italics.

I am surprised at how easily Cornelius consents to murder. What a highly inadvisable course of action.

I don't think a charge of murder would stick, or indeed be considered. Assuming the California Penal Code applies to Achewood, Cal. Penal Code sec. 187 requires, among other elements, "...killing of a human being..." and I am fairly certain that no caselaw to date has shoehorned obnoxious AI assistants into the definition of a human being.

Yes, but Cornelius is not a human being, and neither is any other main character in this strip. So I assume the Underground has different laws.

That joke has been made, and, what's more, it was made in photoshop form.

And a picture is worth more words than that comment contained.

The words TEAL FINCH aren't quite an anagram of NICE PETE but man they could be related.

Nice Thalf? Nice Flath? These sound like come-ons from someone very drunk.

Well god damn. Cornelius didn't question this for a second.

Note: A publican is not a political affiliation like I thought it was. It means someone who runs a pub. Achewood has taught me so much about the British.

I, too, assumed it was a political affiliation. Looks like I learned something today. A chubby for the good sir.

Notice that your avatar is freakin awesome

Where did you get it?

Photoshop and far too much time on my hands.

'Emocrat' - proprietor of a macrobiotic whole foods oxygen bar.

Good lord is this arc ever going places I did not expect.

That's what she said.

Whackity schmackity dooooooooooo