A Return to Smucklewood Manor.

A Return to Smucklewood Manor. 06/18/2009 « prev 1st rand curr next »

Charley will spend all summer in the garage trying to get this thing to turn over

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This strip is like eating a lengua burrito when you only ordered a chorizo burrito. In other words it's hella satisfying when your previous conception fails pretty much every word you got, but what you got is totally superior in ways you didn't even expect..

or when you fall face first into what looks like a large pile of strategically positioned dog shit only to find out upon entry that it is in fact a generous helping of chocolate mousse garnished with mint shavings.

yeah, i have weird culinary hallucinations

And then finding out there will never be anymore of that delicious chocolate mousse, ever. (I was really hoping Little Nephew was back to stay.)

The thing doesn't work anymore. But neither of them know that.

naw man fuck lengua chorizo for life

not even fronting

Man, tongue sure is tasty.

"The midweek strip is at 25,000 feet and descending ..."

[IMGS OFF]

That's how Onstad rolls.

The world is his landing strip and planes are disposable.

He crashes more enterprise than Jean Luc Picard in Star Trek Movies

[IMGS OFF]
Sometimes, getting better is not an option.

Sometime between panel 9 and panel 10, Ray donned his doing business jacket and poured himself a doing business drink.

After panel 13, his business is done, and Ray removes his doing business jacket and finishes his doing business drink.

This is how Ray does business. Teachers do business in a sample chassis.

PHONE JACKET!

i thought that was a classic batman-style onomatopoeia for a second

chubbied

PHONE JACKET'D!

CHUBBY!

PHONE CHUBBY!

CHUBBY PHONE!

[IMGS OFF]

You mean the bone that I... phoned?

phone sex used to rock.

Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring BONER PHONE

it's no baloney
it ain't a pony
my cellular
boner-lular phooooooone

It's fun to read that as a rap song.

Also true of the constitution.

I kinda sing it to the tune of "The Glory of Love."

i guess im not alone in my enjoyment of say anything(the band).

I'm sorry, but I'm afraid you are.

dont be afraid.

Hold me.

Oh man, you wouldn't even need a Chatsack for that. How handy.

Something about Free Pizza Day...

Also, let's give it up for Onstad for Charlie's face in panel 4. It's like when Bill Watterson started doing the crazy Sunday panels.

I would like to know about the degraded sole.

Their passion sparked the ignition of the engine and her shoe grazed against the fan belt.

His is a sad story...

[IMGS OFF]

Yeah you picasso freak fish.

his wife has real regrets

[IMGS OFF]

that fish is such a slut

[IMGS OFF]

. . . and I will not fall for the "pull my finger" gag again!

[IMGS OFF]

WTF! I'll never start reading comments in the middle again!

i seriously laughed out loud. was it sophomoric of me?

Yes, and you will never change. But it's OK.

...There is another level to which one could take this. I am not such a one.

That's what makes you and I different.
[IMGS OFF]

Chubbied. I love how you can read it two ways. (1) A matter of fact inner monologue describing the action (2) The lamentations of a fish having come to realize the depths to which he has submerged.

[[speechless]]

up yours garfish

The artist of this cartoon has been found guilty on one count of bad grammar and one count of interspecies sexual relations (1st degree ichthohomo fellatio). How do you plead?

Delicious

I plead the fish!

I did it out of halibut.

Have you no sole?

Sometimes we all flounder.

You've fallen into the prosecution's trap hook line and sinker.

How do you know the fish is a dude?

The man is a dude because his dick is being sucked.

There is one fishermen?

Sole took Evolution and Aesthetics in First Year. He clearly did not pursue either subject again.

It was a fluke that he passed metaphysics. He had to copy off the sole next to him.

(apologies to Woody)

a parasite?

No, he's from New York. Why do you ask?

when i hear/read 'fluke', this is what i think of:

[IMGS OFF]

Here in the Northeast, "fluke" is a flounder-like flatfish.

duly noted.

i live in the northeast. well, kind of, anyway. i think PA is in the 'mid-atlantic' region...... but anyways, i have heard of the fish.

no neon meate dreams or tin teardrops for this mofucka

You can lick my decals off anytime.

I was lead to believe that the flounder was the sole until high school.

I never really checked.

Quote:

I would like to know about the degraded sole

Also give consideration to the degraded SOUL.

You die, for three days.

God dammit. I knew someone was going to say it but I hoped to get there first.

And on the third day He rose and the sinners stood with their mouths agape and the women did cry and finger themselves fearing they would soon be raped and should lube up in preparation and all the children in the field clapped their hands, and the men who had stapled him up to the tree looked down at the label on their nailgun and it did say:

"Hecho en Mexico."

...damn.

I'm sorry, Aquabats.

I'm sorry for everyone, actually. I didn't even try to rhyme.

i appreciate the band, but not what you tried to do here.

...and i can't even explain why..

Walking tacos on Thursday? AWESOME!

Looks like LN got himself Iphone Software 3.0 long before it came out.

Or he jailbroke his iPhone and installed applications that allow one to record video on their iDevice.

He jailbroke it...in Wales? DOUBTFUL. In the past? HIGHLY DOUBTFUL.

Well, no. I think the idea is that he would've jailbroken it before going to Wales, the video being taken before the BLAMMO! time.

Also, see echidnaboy's excellent post below for another theory about how he could've taken the video without jailbreaking his iPhone.

Sorry, before the KOODGE time.

I was going to say that, but then I figured someone else might chime in saying that He was KOODGE'd before Quickpwn or any other jailbreaking utils were out, which would lead to lames

LAMED FOR THINKING IT

Thoughtcrime is death. Thoughtcrime does not entail death. Thoughtcrime IS death. You have committed even before setting finger to key the essential crime that contains all others unto itself.

Damn fine book to date, i got to continue it later.

we are the dead.

also, in light of the holiday:

[IMGS OFF]

what the hell is your avatar doing?

I'm the third one from the right

I thought you were the second one from the left.

me last on the right

i'm too baked to move right

seriously what is it?

I know that your question wasn't directed to me, but I hate to see you left hanging.

I think they are young owls, and the one on the left is eating a critter. And then not eating it, and then eating it, ad infinitum. Or until sick_cat changes his avatar.

thank you!

You betcha.

OS3.0 doesn't have video recording, the 3G S does.

Knowing how well LN spreads rhymes on the tubes, (10 million kids in fedoras) and his closet geek knowledge, it is much more likely that he jailbroke his phone.

You're the man, Chris.

You might have dragged that arc on a bit, but god-damn was that ending ever so satisfying.

Solid 5 all the way.

I thought you would be saying "5'd for being the end of this arc."

The equivalent of leaving a penny tip.

A penny tip is Perfectly Okay if your meal cost ten cents.

Or you're a douchecanoe.

mind if i use that? has a nice ring to it. i tend to use 'thunderdouche', or 'douchenozzle', or 'douchequeef'.

aside: im telling you, the word porn i see in these forums gives my soul a constant erection.

That's 'cause you're a cuntbucket.

How many come in a bucket?

chubbied for "word porn" and soul erections.

[[high5]]
im pretty sure you just took my chubby virginity. i hope things arent awkward around the water cooler from now on......

You mean awkward . . . like this?

You ruined my day! I'm telling the boss!

Boss! BOSS!

It's the eye contact that makes it.

[[shudder]]

Because as we know, you never make eye contact.

And you never make them touch.

The language I'm sure Shelley would've employed had he mined the veins of his craft a bit deeper, the lazy bastard.

The best insults are a combo of [curse or vulgarity] plus [random noun]. Or so I find.

Fuckwhiskers. Bastardbread. Douchecanoe. Also if the entire combination adds up to 3 syllables, I find it rolls off the tongue best.

There is a method to my madness.

Bastardbread made me laugh.

I have a bread label that reads "batard semolina".

its because the semolinas mom and dad werent married.

You don't know the difference between it's and its. In an attempt to cover your shortcoming, you just omitted all of the apostrophes in the sentence.

You're a dick about terms.

im so rebellious that i pick and choose which grammar and punctuation laws i adhere to. only a pussy would follow them all.

Bitchapotamus

Cockladle.

Cuntnoodle.

Some even got on the Mayor!

I'm tempted to post my photoshop buggery from like 7 months ago to compliment that comment.

shit. for not being in or around a school in a year, Little Nephew is bustin' some serious health class chops about the respiratory system

Easy Spirit pumps degrade right out of the box. Just ask Dracula.

what does the other teacher look like?
short hair cut with receding hairline. rimless glasses. button down from target bought during his first year of teaching.

Short chest hair with receding neckline. Buttons shot off when he was used as a target during his first year of teaching.

slight slump in his general carriage that developed after he realized that he'd never be able to share his dream of 'reaching out to touch the lives of these kids' without risking jailtime and a lifetime ban from playgrounds

doin' Ms. Guzzo furiously, just wanting to feel anything

Pumping away, looking down at her but his eyes drifting to his own expanding, depressing middle.

Losing focus, going soft. Fidgeting awkwardly with the steering wheel as she dresses and leaves silently without a look back.

I'll be damned if that's not a candidate for the saddest thing ever.

And her fingernail marks on his back got infected. THAT is the saddest thing.

She's 29, no marriage prospects. She doesn't HATE her job, but the fire she had in her heart in college has long ago become a dying ember. Maybe this will change it, maybe Velez will be the while ethnic lover that will take her away to Nicaragua. They can live on the bank of a river with a pet spider money, she could drive a tour bus that white people will flock to in their subconscious desire to seek out the familiar a thousand miles from home.

In the cooling throes of their daily lovemaking, he could feed her fruit, speaking softly in a language she never bothered to learn...

Then she opens her eyes and realizes she's just a woman gripping the crudely welded and rewelded body of a car, gripping it harder than she ever held her dreams, being made love to by a man who may like her, but will never love her.

Please write this novel.

It's by Paul Theroux -- THE MOSQUITO COAST. Harrison Ford starred in the film.

Giving any of this story a chubby seems... so wrong

What does a spider need money for?

Uh, web rims?

(idiot)

Did you think fly honeys just walk into the web? Sometimes a brother's gotta pay, man. Sad but true.

some pig

Once Charlotte got sick of his shit, I'm sure she was tempted to write "Pork chops sound pretty fickin' yummy to me".

[IMGS OFF]

[IMGS OFF]

What does God need with a starship?

Kirk likes bacon

Course if he really wants to go back to Wales, can't Molly just drop a line back home? She was able to send a wedding invitation.

Perhaps the wedding invitations were impreso en M�xico, and the place only does wedding invitations, not other kinds of correspondence.

little nephew took video with his iphone when there was no (official) video support for the iphone

Could it be... ?
[IMGS OFF]

Hey, where'd you get a picture of my iPhone from

are you stalking me

[IMGS OFF]

nice job on the hecho en mexico

A chubby has been given to echidnaboy in your name.

So what you're saying is you hadn't seen fit to give me a chubby until now. I'm not sure why you would say this. Are you dissing me, Spaulding? I am not a vengeful man. But consider this a warning. Do not step to me. My pixels will kick the asses of your pixels.

Quote:

My pixels will kick the asses of your pixels.

I'd like to see that!

[IMGS OFF] Mr. Spaulding sex, bring it.

No disrespect intended. I tend to be parsimonious with chubbies. I was concerned that I inadvertently received credit for an element of your original iPhone post. To make matters right, I gave you a chubby.

Consider it a licensing fee.

Man, I am just no good at humorously exaggerated rage. I was hoping you'd respond in kind, you know, get "all up in my grill", challenge me to some kind of battle. Then we would "Throw Down", as I believe the youth are calling it nowadays. Instead, you've made a gracious and totally unnecessary apology for a non-existent infraction, and I look like a dick. Way to go, Spaulding. I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY NOW YOU SON OF A BITCH. FUCK YOU.

You can take that angry red cock of yours and stick it up my ass I mean your cock... I mean ass... fuck. Shit.

F***e!

You have made me smile this day

NOOOOOOO

There's something about those Easy Spirit pumps, I remember them being mentioned a while back...

DRACULA DON'T GOT MUCH MONEY THIS WEEK MWWWAH-HA-HA

HAS ANYONE MENTIONED THAT IPHONES CAN'T TAKE VIDEOS

NO PLEASE MENTION THAT.

ARE YOU THE THING THAT DID A DUMP BY THE GAS STATION?

YEAH DID YOU LIKE THAT

TO BE HONEST IT LACKED COHESION

DIDN'T REALLY MAKE MUCH SENSE TO ME

BUT THAT'S JUST ONE GUY'S OPINION YOU KNOW

THERE ARE TOO MANY PRETENTIOUS DUMPS THESE DAYS TRYING TO GET ALL DEEP ON US WHEN REALLY WE SHOULD JUST DO A DUMP FOR DUMP'S SAKE

I MEAN DID DAVID LYNCH DO A DUMP HERE OR WHAT

YOU HAVE TO HAND IT TO DUCHAMP THOUGH
DID A DUMP IN A URINAL

BLEW MY FUCKIN MIND

I DON'T KNOW, I FOUND IT DERIVATE. IF YOU WANT TO SEE A DUP IN A URINAL GO TO ANY NATIONAL TEAM FOOTBALL (THATS SOCCER YA DUMB YANKS) GAME, AND VISIT THE MENS ROOM AT HALF TIME, IF YOU DARE...

ERR, WOOF.

Should have been derivative. Oh, and c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-combo breaker.

Newfag

Yanks 2 - Spain 0, douchebag.

LN is the dude who jailbreaks and installs cycorder

He found it on the net. Plump Milf Fucking Teacher After Pizza. Theyve got a set about her.

THE CAT BOY WENT TO 17TH CENTURY WALES

he went to 17th century Wales, with an iPod, and showed them toilets. Theres some things 17th century Wales doesnt need.

I was more highlighting the already improbable nature of the story for the benefit of those concerned about the Charley iPhone Conundrum.

Side note: Is it safe to say we've all given up "Little Nephew" in favor of "Charley?" Like how Teodor has become T or Teo in the comments? DISCUSS.

I DEMAND LITTLE NEPHEW. or hairy breasts. Either's good.

There you go

[IMGS OFF]

never post again

Not for you, no

I'm not going to lame you for this, but I would be well within my rights to do so.

Such as Pat as a forum moderator?

Shouldn't that be "Do Her in Remembrance of Me"? Is that King James phraseology?

Note on Christianity: even saved women can behave like little sluts (thank God). Being saved does not mean you are now perfect. It means that you have figured out how to get to heaven notwithstanding the fact that we are all sinful fuck-ups.

Oh, so I guess I got that goin' for me.

Curse you all for laming me just because I was too lazy to actually crop the 3rd panel.

Curse you for playing the lame blame game and laying the blame on all, one in the same, when only five should be ashamed.

All the same I'd rather have fame for being named as playing a game with lames than be blamed for being tame when the time came to flame some dame.

That reminds me of my friend, Peter, who was fond of choosing some vegetables that had been preserved in brine.

Shame.

i tried to lame you but i haven't been able to lame anyone in a very long time.

shame on you for posting this faggoty shit on the assetbar

Your mother, she is ringing me, to let me know how disappointed she is with you.

Ha!

Thats one bitchin' pimpin' Christian'

what amazes me is that there are two others of the same ilk in the frame and that there is a woman anywhere near them

See the thing is, unlike you, most men don't scare women off.

Zing

yeah see, that just wasnt funny

i have the sense of humor of a six year old.

I have the body of a fifteen year old

(its buried behind the shed).

Hey-oh!

Hey, oh, that's creepy.

If it's thinner than my fiteen year old body and not diabetic, can we swap? I'll sweeten the deal with my sense of hunour..

Sorry. I didn't realize you were 15 when I made that poor joke. [and since the court order forbids me to continue this conversation, I can only wish you good luck]

It's not a poor joke, it's a joke told for a poor audience.

On cheapest soundsystem.

Is good joke, played on ugliest guitar.

you're apologising for a pretty good joke without knowing? That is the height of politeness, sir, if i had a hat, i would tip it to you.

Poor Little Nephew does not realise the tag is missing, the eyes are absent, and the magic is absent.

Should note that I would have italicized the last part of that, but assetbar scares me. Too many good friends have tried and fallen.

Assetbar should never be the place where angels fear to tread. Never.

Quote:

Assetbar should never be the place where angels fear to tread.

But it is certainly the place where [b]fools rush in[b].

Meta, since /b would have solved your problem

It does not work that way !

You had to tempt them Spaulding, didn't you.

This was so good. He always makes me feel bad for being so impatient.

This December: A Smuckles' Christmas in Wales

Chubbed for the (assumed) John Cale reference.

It's actually a Dylan Thomas reference but it can be that too.

Cale's was cooler.

that is a pretty lame frist psot if you ask me. At least link to something useful

It's not that ozians are nocturnal by choice. We are afraid to go outdoors at night because thats when the bunyips roam the wide brown land.

I cannot for the life of me figure out exactly what is going on in your avatar dealie. Are those owls, and is that one on the far left horking down a mouse? I am bewildered but hopeful, as owls are stonking awesome.

I asked the same thing and yes it's that, but for the record I want Assetbar to know I thought it was four little monkeys and one monkey was doing the Monkey.

You can see it in all its horrifying detail here

Your avatar scares me.

Ms. Guzzo and Mr. Velez did it in Greased Lightning pass it on.

Ms Guzzo and Mr Velez did it in Greased Lighting purple monkey dishwasher

In the last panel Little Nephew impersonates an illustrated figure from a German safety manual.

[IMGS OFF]

She looks kinda terrified. I would imagine she, like myself, has no idea what she is filling with water that also had to be plugged into a wall socket.

Like...a coffeemaker?

'Course that coffeemaker looks primitive at best and also lacking in such as coffee. Also it looks like some sort of torture device or maybe I'm conditioned to think that way because of years of Cheney telling us that that sort of thing is kosher and useful.

That illustrated German safety manual woman works at Gitmo is what I'm trying to spit out here.

Ok I can see it is illustrating the flow of electricity through the human body, but what is she filling with water?

A homemade suicide device. When Germans decide to punch their own ticket, it's not just some generic too-many-sleeping-pills affair, they straight up engineer their own unique, 100% efficient death machine.

she's cleaning off the early model defibrillator...

is that avatar from Rubber Johnny II: Eclectic Boogaloo?

that faucet spout looks like a penis head.

See a doctor.

if your condition persists, please dress in the manner of german housewives, light yourself up with electric current and then touch a metal ground. this will cure a large spectrum of maladies, such as the 'freaky glans' disorder and heartbeat.

sick_cat is a man who obviously has never heard the laugh of a lover, never heard the phrase 'You are fine' from a doctor.

The third electrical connection on the crock pot might be a ground...???

also... that lady's kinda hot...

that's a pun, by the way...

Not as hot as this fashionably-haired young filly:

[IMGS OFF]

That hot-water system scares me more that the reading lamp over the tub. Also, she seems to be utilizing the same sewr system as LN's flushing toilet.

i don't care what anyone says, the man in the tub is in the traditional position for the 'seated-fart'.

Funny, my arm doesn't usually jerk upwards into a salute to the Fuhrer while doing so

nor does mine, com%u044Fade

You should get that looked at.

Man? Man? With that profile, so fine of line? With that slender, supple waist? With that pert little breast peaking out with all the temptation of an entire archipelago of sirens? If that exquisite specimen is anything other than a lovely young fraulein, than I shall eat my pistol-belt!

With those shoulders? It is a man. And before you answer back to me you should be aware that I am fully prepared to call you out over this. I will shoot you in a forest clearing at dawn, before going home and eating a huge breakfast of cheese and ham, if you try to tell me that picture depicts a woman.

In grander days a young lady was expected to be able to haul carriages, with her teeth if necessary. What you see there are the noble shoulders of a healthy woman of honest means, and don't you forget it.

Besides, we all know German women have body odour and penises to rival the men. We can expect some mistakes from outsiders.

FUCK YOU, CUNT.

I demand satisfaction.

Well, you just can't get no... fatiffaction.

Not from me, you wag.

But I am fully provisioned with an absolute cornucopia of incredible death, should you be so eager.

It is so hard to call people out over the internet. With out the warm, blood stirring impact of glove on cheek nobody is ever sufficiently riled up to want to be shot in a forest clearing. It is a problem with our modern age.

I would go as the second for some dude so that I could give his wife or girlfriend hella huuuuuuuuuuugs! after you blow his top off

You would go to hell with a bullet in your brain pan, Charlie Ford.

You are not discussing a duel, you are discussing the revelation of a homosexual tryst by a closeted man.

how philanthropic of you.

no no no the s only turns into the quasi-f when it's in the middle of a word!

what tomfoolery

People yell at you if you use it correctly or incorrectly. But I agree.

It is an East German Olympic female athlete, morons.

you're the moron, moron

I love you, scorpio <3

The shoulders of a suffering Weimar lady, yes?

He scores and he shoots!

Ah, ja, a fine jung Maedchen.

She's really well jung, ja...

jung und stumpf.

Baths are dangerous.

[IMGS OFF]

Particularly if you are a Frenchman found sans-culottes.

[IMGS OFF]
She muft be punifhed.

I wouldn't mind seeing her petite culottes.

[IMGS OFF]

Fun fact: Marat did most of his business from his tub because he had a hideous and debilitating skin disease, most likely dermatitis herpetiformis!

Is the woman supposed to be Marianne?

I'm guessing Ginger.

Charlotte Corday. Plus Marat got his hideous disease from hiding out in the Parisian sewers.

Jeffspaulding, I love you almost as much as I love Roast Beef. Jus' sayin'.

[IMGS OFF]

Why is nobody chubbying Marat, on his break?

Nother fun fact. She stabbed him because he said it wasn't contagious!

chubbied for 'hark a vagrant'. it's the shit.

Sometimes it's historically accurate !

-SOMETIMES-.

Historical Inaccuracies, Fact 10: It is little known the Hindenberg was annihilated by an early Phased Laser emission over New Jersey. Local inventor, Hiram Q. Edison was blamed
[IMGS OFF]

Oh the humanity...

Oh, the huge manatee...[IMGS OFF]
Awww, nature's speed bump.

looks like an incredibly obese guest on maury povich, or something. all forlorn and superfat.

Superflual

It look like me, only with flippers instead of two very large, alarmingly flat and misplaced penii.

Might be hard to rise the roof, then

You're think of the Oprah show. And she's not a guest.

OH SNAP!

Hey!

That there Manatee/Sea Cow is NOT obese. That is one fine specimen.

Ah, the mermaid of legend...

which makes one wonder how the women mustve looked back then, for the dudes to mistake them for a hot chick with a fish tail from the waist down.....

One suspects that after three months of rogering bleeding gummed, tubercular cornishmen, a red blooded sailor would be ill disposed to turn down a female on such finicky grounds as species.

If you go back far enough (or simply to the much older Starbucks logo before they cleaned it up and cropped it) you will find that mermaids often were depicted with a split tail. So you could fuck them.

Sailors may have wanted to bang hot fish-women (really, though, who doesn't?), but they weren't dumb enough that they never thought things through. This wasn't going to be some sort of all-oral MerMaidathon. Which reminds me, I need to return some videotapes.

Oh the huge man-titty.

[IMGS OFF]

[IMGS OFF]

But do they bounce?

[[dryheave]]

Some shaving and those would be passable *trap* material.

M....mom-mom?

He has wood in bed.

she has a giant, old boiler system and and elecric modern lamp system.

The only conclusion I can draw is that electricity is misogynistic and wants to kill women.

ive known a women or 2 that i wanted to kill at some point.

A women or two woman?

good call. a woman or 2=women

Thanks for correcting that. A psychopath we can tolerate, but not poor grammar.

Polite they all are. And they keep their knives keen.

Or maybe that its racist and wants to kill whitey. We have an insufficient sample size.

here's the complete set of photos They put a lot of thought into it. Like... you're milking a cow, and the cow's tail gets wrapped around the lamp post... not something you'd think about when milking a cow. But next time, I will.

Turn-of-the-century systems for the harnessing of domesticated electrons were delightfully Darwinian in design, wouldn't you say?

[IMGS OFF]

there's something disturbing about all of these pictures. Just as the current strip is discussing, life in the olden days was kinda fleeting. You never knew when some poorly understood and poorly managed phenomenon was gonna kill you or someone you knew.

Wait, that's how it still is today. And just like before, the rich to sometimes kill themselves with their new toys, (e.g. electricity) but they more than make up for it by being able to afford good food and medical care.

That was also before we had catchy tunes to warn us about things(i.e. Schoolhouse Rock).

E-LEC-TRICITY

EEEE-LEC-TRICITY

High voltage man kisses night to bring the light to those who need to hide their shadow deed
Go into bright find the light and know that friends don`t mind just how you grow

NIIIIIGGHTTT MAAAN!

D-D-Day Man? F-Frick.

In the flickr link, someone tagged that weird little pot thing and commented "No, no, baby, the hookah is here!" I found that hilarious. I suppose I enjoy contemplating babies with drug problems :(.

[IMGS OFF]

Its effective and poignant. But I have to lame it on principle. (he looks to much like my son - I love that that little 2-year old smack fiend)

I had to look this one up for context. Bernardo's is a charity seeking protection of children. The point of the ad is that the 23 year-old drug user was once an infant that needed attention.

The picture was produced by computer manipulation so the child was not made part of the depressing tableau.

Why do you have a drawing of my 6th birthday?

[IMGS OFF]

Goddamit ma! How do you work this consarned thing?

We have the instruction manual for it.

Tune in next week for the next exciting episode of BABIES IN PERIL.

Sponsored by Acme All-Purpose Augers.

Babies are attracted to augers like moths to a flame. I guess it's a bad idea to give them all those spinny toys. They should be taught to stay away from spinny things - not put their hands on them.

If I hear one more story about the farm boy that had to dial 9-1-1 with a pencil in his mouth 'cuase the auger ripped-off both of his arms . . .

I'll piss myself laughing.

don't gripe about the typo -- I typed this with a pencil in my mouth.

[[high 5]]

[[This is not Wikipedia]].

[IMGS OFF]

So that's what Duke Nukem's been up to lately. Damn, but I wouldn't have guessed that.

Phillipe is standing on it.

PIME TARADOX!

Lime Dolphincocks?

I'm wishing that Smucklewood Manor wasn't quite so gauche, so we could refer to it as Stately Smucklewood Manor.

Final Panel = Look, I like you as a blood relative but if you really wanna disappear off the face of the earth forever, knock yourself out.

This strip shows a rare moment of compassion and sentimentality in Ray. All he wants is to be thought of at Christmas. Perhaps this is giving us a glimpse of the effect of Ramses' absence has on Ray.

Unless of course Ray never sewed that tag back on. In that case he's just bein' RUDE.

He's basically givin' his only blood relative aside from his mother a one way ticket to-burculosis and don't imagine that Ray has put together that the tag has the power and he'd lost it for a while.

There has been no indication that Ray understands that the tag has the power.

Wait, wait, wait, I thought Snap had the power.

Only He-Man really has the power. He said as much!

Yes. I was makin that very point. As unclear as it may have been.

Closed eyes = no tag. LN ain't goin nowhere.

Alt text isn't talking about the auto-shop chassis.

once in ur life u'll hab a hchoice dat will effect eery1thing in ur libe 4 ever an' what you do will change eerything in ur life forever and it will never be the same. the choices u mak u will determine wat happens 2 u directly after an, indeed, 4 4ever afterward an' libe as u know it will be forever altered forever. now, my friends, is one of those moments, one of those moments where u mus' decide an' based upon that decision ur whole life will change forever, indeed, ur whole....

The time has come for each and every one of you to decide whether you are gonna be the problem, or whether you are gonna be the solution. [That's right!] You must choose, brothers! You must choose! It takes five seconds! Five seconds of decision! Five seconds to realize your purpose here on the planet! It takes five seconds to realize that it's time to move! It's time to get down with it! Brothers, it's time to testify and I want to know: are you ready to testify? Are you ready? I give you a testimonial: Gladdi8orrex!

is that sexxy tho

WHY FIND OUT

2 b or not 2 b?

(2B|!2B)

I prefer 4B myself. So slinky on the page and able to make furious black marks when the mood hits. 2B is just too hard.

Mmmm. Graphite discussions. Truly we inhabit an enlightened location.

CAN YOU DIG IT, BROTHAHHHS?!

What the hell are you talking about?

Exactly what you are not.

gladi8orrex can you elaborate please how do I know when that choice is and what it is? Today I e-mailed an old girl friend we had a bad falling out some 12 years ago. I e-mailed her to say hi what's up. That's not one of those choices is it? Maybe it is. You just neber know. maybe your choice is to take this flight instead ot that flight and one of the flights crashes and one of them is delayed for 6 hours on the runway and you get accused of molesting the 6 year old sitting next to you if you pick the delayed flight because the 6 year old is a pathological liar with issues.

shit I just spent over $400 for shots for two cats what the hell. what the hell.

I ab gonna move to the pacific north west. but how I don't hab any money

eery1 can do eerything hab faith in urself dogg stop doubtin'. u'll mak it to teh pacific noth west NP, dogg

I dunno man, it's a long hard journey to get whereever you want to go and I think it is more than just wanting, it is knowing, in a wholeistic sense, that is necessary. So many things that we want are driven by our ego and our shallow view of things. Lately I am thinking that before wanting to go somewhere, I should become happy with where I am. Being productive where I am is a necessary precursor to going anywhere, no? And that's just anti-american, to be happy in the here and now.

hey I am installing archlinux on this laptop. fun stuff. it's not that hard.

its aww mental, dogg. ib u can contrl ur emot's an' not b slaves 2 them (like womn r) den is NP what u gonna do cuz u boss of urslef

ps i m not a 'tech guy' lol

That is fine in theory, but sometimes there are good reasons to change the channel. I did last month: moved from the Bay Area to Reno, and I am now a thousand times more productive. And I am happier too.

I had good reasons to move, it was not just a whim, but instead a realization that by moving I could focus on accomplishing my goal, instead of being distracted.

Could I have marshaled the discipline to focus where I was? Yes, but it was unrealistic to expect that I would do so. So, I moved - really I just felt that is was what I needed to do. Once I made the decision though, everything just fell into place like magic.

Moral of the story: do what you feel is right, but be fluid. Feelings change, and when they do ride the new wave!

I agree with your perspective. What I was getting at however is the paradox of when circumstances obstruct you from following your feelings. That's what I meant by the need to be productive where I am; The process of following one's feelings, be it a move of domicile or a change in career or whatever, is a process that can be a big production, and therefore, requires a certain amount of productivity. We have to build upon where we are to get where we want to be. I think that I have a tendency to focus on my anxieties and negative feelings about where I am and about the process of making progress. In an overall high-level sense, I should follow my feelings... But on a day-to-day basis, maybe I should suppress my negative feelings somewhat and focus on positive feelings if that helps my overall productivity.

An interesting thing that I noticed recently about feelings, and mood, and anxiety, too, is that it seems like one's emotional state of mind affects everything equally... one isn't typically feeling depressed or anxious about one thing while feeling happy and optimistic about another thing... positive and negative feelings to not seem to be able to coexist simultaneously. So many different things contribute to one's emotional state of mind... I think that there is this tendency to suppress one's emotional needs, to put up with all manner of inconvenience and discomfort, both physical and emotional, in the pursuit of some goal or goals... and, there needs to be a balance, right... suppression of emotions can aid one's productivity in the pursuit of a goal... to a point... and after that point, such suppression of emotional needs is counter-productive...
It's telling that one of the popular heroes in Hollywood movie picture shows is the protagonist who becomes obsessed with some goal or objective... everything from winning a sports championship to avenging his honor to saving some princess. (the movie Happy Gilmore comes to mind.) The most direct and easy and simple answer is always to modify one's emotional state, to harden one's resolve, to extend one's self just a little bit further emotionally and physically and financially, so as to better pursue some 'purpose.' The most difficult thing, I think, is to find (and to accept) that purpose which is best suited to one's true character and one's means. And really, you know, I don't say that lightly, either, that we must accept a viable purpose, or at least, even if our purpose is not viable, even if we are Born To Run, at least our path towards that purpose must be viable, and balanced, not demanding more of ourselves than we can give. Can a path towards an infesable purpose be viable? That all depends on one's philosophy and state of mind. Ultimately, life is meaningless, but there's still something innate that keeps us going. It's when we build up too many layers of artificial bureaucracy around our natural selves that we start to fail.

gotta do wat u want, doggs thas all it is. do wat u wan' do an' don' take shit 4 it.

You failed when you wrote more than one paragraph, pederast.

I emailed an ex-girlfriend the other day and pretty soon we were getting mad rutty. I'm not sure my whole life changed, but I did change my underwear.

That's an important start.

This is your Yoda on Crack.

You are wrong only about the idea that this choice comes along only once.

So does LN not remember being shot at all? I mean, suddenly it's now just plain old history? Like her parents somehow commute back and forth occasionally from history on their time train?

LN knows he was shot and if he really wants to go back I think he's going to KOODGE himself out in the garage after only one or two failed wishes. At the same time, though, how does he even know it apparently grants wishes? He was never around when Ray wished for anything and would apparently be completely unaware that this is an ability it possesses.

I also find it a bit odd that LN was so interested in staying in Wales. After he ran out of nacho supplies and pot it really never seemed like he had any further schemes cooking. He was just hanging around while Onstad screwed off with a bunch of largely unconnected bits that weren't particularly funny.

[IMGS OFF]

Damn, but that boy's grumpy. I'm sorry that it just plain isn't working when you try to KOODGE yourself, but man... you're a teenager, that's basically all you do, right? It'll get better with time. These things happen to all dudes at one time or another.

Not me.

"Associated Press"?

Annoyed Pout?

Anal Play?
[IMGS OFF]

Aroused Pigeons.

So... The first time Charley traveled to Wales after being shot in the head. Presumably his corpse was left behind in Achewood, and his soul traveled to Wales.

Does that mean that if the poncho doesn't work and Charley shoots himself, that there will be a second Charley corpse on the premises? Will the dead Charley bodies keep piling up in the rarely-visited corners of Ray's home, until finally someone discovers them and Ray gets hauled away as a serial killer?

Charley was murdered with stethoscope placement.

Ah, so he was. It's been a while since the wedding arc, and I don't think I ever went back to re-read it.

Nevertheless - I think the question about corpse accumulation stands...

Ray is not an unreasonable man. He will let his young nephew take over 19th century Wales if the scamp can get his affairs in order.

Oh, dang, 17th century Wales, my bad.

I think that there is a bit of room to stretch this arc out a tad.

Ray was only able to bring them back because of the tag on his foot in the poop. There is no tag on the poncho anymore, therefore the poncho is worthless (except, you know, as a fashion accessory).

What will happen next?

They won't figure out that the tag is the power, and then LN wish will be frustrated. He will try the first Method( KOODGE-ing) and die of blood loss.

The End. No Moral

Shockingly disappointing as an ending. Ray just waves his magic wand and sends all the problems away. Two out of five, three at best. Though I will admit that 'made more kids than a spider' is a really good line.

[IMGS OFF]
WE are NOT AMUSED

I want to fuck it in the mouth.

Could already be in progress from behind, mind you.

Is that... a shaved pufferfish?

naw dood theres like 1,000 different species

What's up with Ray's topiary?

[IMGS OFF]

They look like rabbits.

and the 3rd-story windows look like screaming faces!!!

[IMGS OFF]

Dammit, I have been too good to things upthread. VChub for Mr. Bellow.

I would have thought they were sleepy (being that they are dormir windows)

I hate you and I hate puns but damn if I didn't just laugh way too hard there.

I guess maybe I just hate myself sorry for saying I hate you.

You hate puns?

It is of note that Ms. Crochet will give me no quarter.

(you see, in British-English a quarter note is called a "crotchet" - after the French word crochet)

Now are you sorry for hating me?

oh, and "give no quarter" means "not to allow someone any mercy or indulgence."

Well, I hate you too.

You have made her extremely crotchety and you know it.

If you keep giving her no quarter, she will fling your dimes back in you face.

Also, this made me think of Quatermass

When you're dealing with a guy whose namesake bagged six tigers in one morning, you've got to expect certain things.

You've got to expect...a mess of dead tigers?

Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?

He really is a schnorrer, hooray, hooray, hooray!

I'll give you a hint. Those topiaries are prostitutes

only a true player can ID a brand of pantyhose

You can tell by the ventilated crotch panels. They're like fingerprints for pantyhose.

(Remember when they used to come in egg-shaped containers? Too precious.)

I'd like to ventilate HER crotch panel

REMEMBER MY DICK IN YO MOUFF? THAS WHASSUP.

holy shit!

I can't recall (which says volumes more about your dick than it does my recollection)

ZING!

DAMN THIS HOMIE IS SERIOUS YO

The really cheap kind still do. You can get them in those little capsules they use for vending machine toys. It's kind of depressing really.

Of course, pantyhose is almost always depressing. Hella stockings all with garter belts and such for the win. Maybe even stay-up thigh highs with that kinda sticky bit of rubber that wears out a lot sooner than you'd expect.

Is there something you're not telling us, Belgand? Something you are not telling us as we look at you and just know that you have lied?

Belgand claims all of his stocking purchases as business expenses when they are really just for his Pleasure.

(There is not a lady who wears them for him)

"But I got it from vending machine baby? Don't you wanna do it in socks from a vending machine?"

[IMGS OFF]

This was meant to be a non-sequitor...

It worked.

It doesn't work when you tell people.

Pizza

Those rubberized ones feel anti-sexy. Any woman who wears those to bed pretty much is probably faking an orgasm just so she can be all sliding out from under your prostrate, drooling, post-orgasmic corpus and tiptoeing to the bathroom to flush them down the toilet.

So what makes her fake an orgasm if she isn't wearing them?

[IMGS OFF]

tha bitch is 18!!! Wikipedia says so!

Since 2 monts, Sir Paedophile

The legal age in NY is 17. So that's Sir Ephebophile to you.

Chubby for properly utilizing the word that justifies lusting after 16 year-old cheerleaders.

Q: How can you tell if woman is faking an orgasm?

A: Who cares?

Tell it like it is, little man

(Just for the record, I care quite a bit if a woman has a real orgasm)

y, so u can feel like stud?

Tekende is a demon that feeds on positive emotions. Fake orgasms taste like bad eggs with no sausage.

Is like ugliest tekende, erected on worst girlfriend.

Well, there's that, I suppose, but also becuase if I am having sex with a woman I want her to have a good time as well, for her own sake.

Still hoping she'll say "tekende this is crazy; I should be paying you.

Since he's a professional gigolo, the answer to that is "YES".

here's a lifetip free of charge wominz dun need orgaz 2 enjoy sex sumtimes all it takes if sor them 2 still be alive afterwards to rlly put them on coloud 9

--but that's a different skillset

I shouldn't have said anything.

children who r raped or abused hav a tough time in court cuz ther is clause that says u need 2 face teh person u accuse 'n when ur a 4 years old rape victim an' deh rapist is an adult sittin' across an' you force urself 2 look n2 his eyes again lik on teh night he raped u an' he does a li'l smirk u sorta 4get wat teh lawyer coached u 2's say when he asks "is teh man who rapes u n teh court 2day" so win u says nothin teh scumbag defense attorney gets rapist off scott-free an' ur forced to age an' lift weights an' track his ass down an' beat his dumbass into a coma 14 years later.

I shouldn't have said anything.

I find that if she doesn't file charges the next day, she probably wasn't faking

how do you mean?

Having an orgasm has a more practical purpose as well. If a lady gets her max happy on she will be far more likely to look back on the encounter favorably and thus choose to engage in future coitus.

Quote:

Tell it like it is, little man

Who the fuck do you think you are, Wilhelm Reich?

(I have a second-hand Orgone collector, if you need it.)

I've never had sex with someone who was feeling the need to deceive me as to the veracity of her orgnicallity. And I mean, how fucking (no pun intended) hard (no pun intended) is it to have an orgasm during sex? I mean? Right? If it's as common as it is rumored for women to fake it, then, that's pretty strange. It means there is something inherently wrong with the species. They are too stressed out about something or what? I think faking an oranism is like a shallow thing to do. just shallow. Where are all these shallow women anyway? And how can I get a date with them?

I seriously doubt you've ever had sex with a real live woman.

its not hard to bed a broad, honey. erry1 can od it

if you met me youd want to fuck me

you r very handsome i rembur ur pic so i agree wit ur statement

Correct. I wanna... I wish I could legally finish this sentence.

I can say with 100% certainty.... no.
I would not fuck you in a car,
I would not fuck you in a bar.
I would not fuck you near or far.

(oh, gosh, what rhymes with "your Mom"?)

Just think about it. There is very little evolutionary reason for women to orgasm.

i mus be attracted only to the evolutionaryily advanced women such as part lesbeen

Women are more likely to orgasm with novel partners. Thus orgasm increases fitness (in an evolutionary sense) by getting women to sample a broad spectrum of genetic material (presumably procreating with the fittest). This why women are the only female animals that have desire even when they are not fertile.

Man. What. My girlfriend must find me novel regularly. I blame my insanity and changing personality shifts on a near weekly basis.

I'm not sure how you can measure "desire" in non-human species. Animals that have non-procreative recreational sex (homosexual/bisexual, etc) include seahorses, dolphins, the bonobo monkey...

Bonobos aren't monkeys.

Yeah, plus they tend to fall down pretty easily, especially if you sweat or cause them to move around too much.

It would, sometimes from an aesthetic point of view, be nice if there was a way to produce thigh-high stockings that would stay up on their own without need for garters, but damn if I know anything about how such a thing could be accomplished. I mean, I've seen pairs with bits of ribbon to lace them at the welt, but that seems far more decorative than functional.

Also, what kind of rubberized are we talking about? The kind with the textured stuff such as you might see under a non-skid placemat or the kind with the bit of clear gunk that looks like the glue you sometimes see used to attach a CD to a magazine cover or such? Both are pretty nasty and neither really work.

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