I hear tell that the Breast Man Clause was the reason for the secret menu at In-n-Out, but they had to put it on the website because of the government.

The Breast Man
1 1/2 Gin (Bombay Sapphire or Tanqueray, please)
1 oz Brandy
1/2 oz Amaretto
Shot of club soda

Shake, flame oil of one lemon twist in for effect. Garnish with single cherry.

This might suck, I have no idea. Somebody try it and EVERYBODY offer suggestions for your own "Breastmen".

ps we could make this a thing

Needs to include cream.

You are fired from the drink-making club.

Wait.

I hereby found the Drink-Making Club.

You are fired.

Ok, on second examination, I think you're right. So...

The Breast Man v.2

1 1/2 oz Gin or Vodka
1/2 oz Brandy
1/2 oz Amaretto
Cream/ Half & Half (use good judgement)
Grenadine to color the the drink the color of a milky teat, garnish with single cherry, serve in a chilled brandy snifter.

Ok, I need some feedback on this one, people. I have no access to a bar (I live out of hotel rooms) so if someone can test this, maybe post results and a picture, that'd be delightful!

The look is perfect, and I think the right base elements are in place. I do think, though, that it lacks some robustness, and for what it is, it could stand to be a little sweeter and fuller. I added just a splash of creme de cacao and it really put the drink over the top for me. Not enough to make it one of those cake-flavored flirtinis, just enough to bind the flavors together in a supporting role.

I gotta say, though, why'd you guys come up with such a girly drink for the Breast Man?

Between your avatar and what you have done, you have earned my eternal allegiance. I should let you know that it is my honorable intention to ask you for your hand in marriage.

Creme de cacao is a good addition, I think, but before we add anything, I'd like to see what happens when we change the vodka/gin to brandy to amaretto ratio in the base recipe.

I tried to get classy with the ingredients without being too feminine- I figured you needed a certain softness to suggest the titular (ugh) subject. Can I ask you, which of the the recipies did you use?

Seriously, kudos. If you can pick up a brandy snifter in the future, post a picture of the revised recipe. Well done.

Well, that does explain your drinking choices, then. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a bottle of reposado, a temper, and an Oedipus complex that need mixin'.

Rubbing your face in your mom is not rad.

Not a'tall in the spirit of the endeavor. Breast men don't sit around using other people's drinks, they fucking go out and invent one and give it a damn password, dammit.

Dammit.

Whatever it is, it needs to be in a brandy snifter. Nice round handful, right?



(And to cool off, check out this little abomination I found while searching. SFW, not gross, just abominable.)

By 'grenadine,' do you mean the ACTUAL pomegranate/sugar reduction, or Roses cheap rip-off? The actual grenadine would make the drink a tad more purple. Not teaty at all. Or... kind of. I guess.

My own Breast-Man? (For anyone who cared)

1.5oz gin
1oz amaretto
0.5oz kahlúa,
1oz half&half
dash tonic

Shake all with ice and strain into highball glass w/ice and cherry. Top off with tonic.

You'll be surprised with the tonic/cream medley. Believe me. Though...it's definitely NOT as classy as hellofyellin's concoction. That one's-a-smooooth.

The veins are there to provide nutrition for the milk. They give life, and for that, we must squeeze them, oh so gently. God bless titties.

Amen.

^^ Thats nothing compared to the perks at Dairy Queen

The French Fries bit cracked me up.

taco bell did sell french fries for a short time. they weren't that good.

The reference to Galaxy Nachos is the type of joke that give me hope for a better tomorrow.

It makes sense now that Beef knew about them and Ray didn't, a few years back.

Cholitas are what The Eagles were singing about on Hotel California. Don Henley is a breast man and he had just gone through the Taco Bell drive-thru.

It's just about as useful a phone call to a cop.

911 is a joke in yo town!

The idea is that the fireman calls you, tells you you've made a difference, and lets the dalmation bark into the phone. It is just a little reward.

i thought it would be more like "i am glad you enjoy breasts please do not start any fires goodbye"

That's Smokey The Bear. But you can bearly understand him.

The perks are impressive, but some of us prefer not to specialize, and transcend to a more spiritual admiration of female pulchritude -- not failing to mark the shape of a woman's foot, the down on her cheek, the graceful strength of her arms, nor the taut curve of her calves. You have your little boys' club, but we have the consolations of our more elevated devotion.

...or so we grumble, craving French Fries at 1am, when only Taco Bell is Open Late. So we console ourselves, when the phone does not ring, and we know it is the Fire Department not calling.

Agreed, although damn but isn't pulchritude the ugliest synonym for "beauty" in the thesaurus.

There appears to be something wrong with the apostrophes in this post.


Coincidence?